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Q. My husband fibs. It's mostly over stupid little things such as leaving the cap off the milk. He's a good man and I know he wouldn't do anything to hurt me or lie about something major. But these little lies drive me crazy and I'm having trouble believing him with things. His mother told me he used to do the same thing as a child; even when she caught him doing something, he'd still deny it. I've tried to discuss this with him and while it seems to help for a while, eventually he reverts to his old behavior. What should I do?

A. Honesty is the cornerstone of character and integrity. One of the most important foundation stones for any relationship is trust. In Luke 16:10, Jesus tells us that the person who's faithful in little is also faithful in much. And "whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much." So if a person can't be trusted in little things, he can't be trusted in big things. And your love and commitment can't grow when you're frequently doubting the truth of what your husband tells you.

In Colossians 3:9, the apostle Paul tells us not to lie to each other. When I modify the truth, fib, or present limited aspects of the truth and it leaves someone with an incorrect understanding of what really happened, I've lied. Even when I don't blatantly tell someone the opposite of what's true but I "only" leave out selected parts of what really happened, I've lied. Any time I deliberately mislead someone, even if I can rationalize it by saying, "It's nothing important," I've lied.

Some people struggle with justifying, rationalizing, and modifying the truth. They don't intend to be dishonest and they don't see themselves as dishonest. While it usually starts with little things, over a period of years that dishonesty can lead not only to the deception of others but also to the deception of self. After awhile they're rarely aware they're even doing it. We can't assess the severity of your husband's problem, but if both you and his mother notice it and if it's been a problem since childhood, it may have become so ingrained that he's not aware of it.

A great starting place is to pray and ask God to give both of you wisdom on this issue. Ask your husband to study the Bible with you. Then get a good concordance or study Bible and look up every reference related to honesty and lying. Sometimes God can use a significant exposure to truth to get someone's attention and bring about change.

If your focused Bible study doesn't affect change, you may need to encourage him to meet with you, his mom, and perhaps your pastor to get an objective and unbiased perspective. There are times when it takes an intervention by family and respected friends to get someone's attention. If he doesn't allow God's Word and those who love him to help him deal with this problem, it will increasingly impair his spiritual growth, compromise the quality of all of his relationships, and marginalize his effectiveness in every dimension of his life.

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