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Q. My husband and I were both sexually active before we were married. When we became Christians, we asked God to forgive our sexual pasts. But my husband hasn't been so forgiving, which has brought tremendous stress to our marriage. We just want to get through this and feel God's blessing. We can't afford a counselor and my husband isn't comfortable discussing this with our new pastor. Any advice?

A. One of the great things about an electronic calculator is that if you make a mistake, you can just push the "clear" button, which automatically eliminates all the information. Then you can begin again. You don't have to try to sort out the previous mistake. In fact, there's no record of the previous mistake. It's lost forever.

That's what happens to our sins when God forgives us. Some of the pain and the sorrow may remain. Some of the consequences may remain. But the guilt—the legal condemnation for the offense—is gone! Our God is in the cleansing business, not the whitewashing business.

In Philippians 3:13-14, the apostle Paul writes: "Forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus" (NASB). For some people that's easier said than done.

Agree with your husband to start each day by thanking God for what he accomplished for you on the cross and for forgiving your sins. Also put the following verses on 3x5 cards with the reference on one side and the text on the other:

• "Praise the Lord … who forgives all your sins … who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion. … As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us" (Psalm 103:2-4, 12).
• "There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death" (Romans 8:1-2).
• "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us" (1 John 1:9).

Only God can forgive and forget. We can forgive but it's harder for us to forget. Thank God that as far as he's concerned your sin is not only forgiven but also forgotten.

While you can't afford counseling and your husband doesn't want to talk to your new pastor, we believe getting outside help is critical. Many churches have lay counseling programs and some counseling centers provide low-cost counseling. Getting counseling now for your marriage may be something you can't not afford to do.

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