Separated by War | MarriagePartnership.com

One "side effect" of the war, says Carla, is that it brings opportunities to share her faith.

Good Advice

Gary Murvin, a social work officer specializing in combat stress at a M*A*S*H* unit in Germany, offers these suggestions on how couples can deal with the stress of a wartime separation.

"God has not given us a spirit of fear," Gary tells couples. "He wants us to have faith in his ability to direct our total lives, especially when we have no control over our circumstances."

For the "home" spouse

communicate with your spouse as often as possible
send care packages (cookies, photos, CDs, recorded greetings)
exercise to alleviate stress
meet with a friend weekly for lunch, laughs, and good conversation
find others in need, and volunteer to meet those needs
keep a journal of feelings and issues that come up daily
carry a cell phone so you can be reached anytime
try not to express raw emotions in front of small children
place strict limits on the news you and your children see/hear
stay in contact with your spouse's family
keep attending church, or begin again if it's been awhile
pray for your spouse, for your family, and read your Bible

For the deployed spouse

communicate with your spouse as often as possible
keep a journal of things that need to be addressed with your spouse
refer to that journal when you call so you don't forget anything
ask your leaders about resources to address stress and personal issues
meet with your unit chaplain whenever possible and pray together
if possible, start a Bible study with friends and share your needs
memorize verses on God's sovereignty and protection
if possible, eat, sleep, and exercise regularly to guard against stress
guard against developing affection for opposite-sex soldiers with whom you're stationed
continuously place your family members in God's hands

—MM

"Many people have asked me how I'm able to deal with what's going on," she says. "I tell them it's my faith in God and his love for me that sustains me. They're usually open to hear what I have to say."

Carla's busy with her duties, too—not only as a mom, but also as an administrative assistant at her church.

"My job has actually helped me during this time," she says. "It's something I love doing, and it keeps me occupied. I have a great support system, including family and friends at church whom I can call on at any time."

Carla and the kids are swamped with school, homework, soccer, and taking care of the house. The children say Mom's been a little "grouchier" since Dad's been gone. "But I'm working on that," Carla promises.