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I was furious. This was certainly something we were going to talk about that night! I plunged in and started doing the dishes so I'd have that much more righteous ammunition later. But as I rehearsed with perverse delight what I was going to say and how I was going to say it, a ridiculous little thought popped into my head: You could just forgive her.

The Christian logic of this little thought slammed my pride against the wall, and I was soon a puddle of contriteness. How many times had she done the same for me and more? Why was I making such a big deal out of this? Who do I think I am? And by God's grace, I simply let my anger go. This was not normal behavior for me. If you knew me at the time, you would have chalked this up as a certifiable miracle, if not proof of the existence of God. But amazingly, slowly through the years, this has become more of a habit, this learning to ignore my wife's supposed offenses.

As I came to know my wife better, I realized she wasn't so much conflict-avoiding as patient and longsuffering. She didn't bring up issues that troubled her about me because in most instances she was able to ignore many of my daily failures without going through the tedium of a long, drawn-out discussion. She was able to practice in our marriage a type of godly neglect; she incarnated Paul's wisdom from 1 Corinthians 13: "Love bears all things … endures all things" (NASB).

Barbara insists I clarify that she isn't a saint, that she does sometimes avoid conflict unnecessarily, and that she appreciates me for pressing us to deal with stuff. Yada, yada, yada. Since this is my article, I'll say what I will: My wife has generally understood better than me how important it is to ignore the other. At least to consciously overlook the faults that we should just forgive.

There are plenty of occasions to practice this spiritual discipline. Sometimes my wife is too lax with the kids; sometimes I'm too stern. But we don't have to transform our spouse into the perfect parent tonight, or even by tomorrow night.

My wife entertains some rather odd political views (read: views different than mine). I don't have to talk her out of them every time they come up.

I don't always have the best table manners, and I'll admit that picking at the leftover salad with my fingers, and then licking them, can ruin an otherwise pleasant meal. But she doesn't have to correct me at every meal. (And she doesn't, because I think she knows this sort of disease is cured only after prayer and fasting).

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