Sign up for our free newsletter:

 2 of 3

Q. I was talking to a co-worker who told me as Christians, husbands and wives shouldn't have sex on Sundays because Sunday is God's holy day. I told my husband, who doesn't think that's true. But now I'm not so sure. What do you think?

A. We don't know of any Scripture that forbids sexual intercourse on the Sabbath, which, by the way, is Saturday according to Old Testament tradition. We consider sex a holy, God-given act of creative love. In fact, the apostle Paul compares marriage and becoming "one flesh" with Jesus being one with his bride, the church (Ephesians 5:31-32).

Our conclusion is that a relaxed time in marital sexual embrace on Sunday honors God and each other.

Q. My wife has always struggled with sexual fantasies and can only reach climax when she closes her eyes and fantasizes. Recently, her conscience has convicted her of this—so in order for her not to fantasize, she won't allow herself to climax, since they're interconnected to her. While we still have sex, it's one-sided, and now there isn't the same bond between us. Can you help?

A. Fantasies during marital sex are a complex issue. Ideally couples should be able to enjoy sexual fulfillment focused entirely on the pleasurable stimulation the partner is providing. However, it's not uncommon for some sexual images from other sources to play a part in becoming aroused. For some people these may be at the initiation of sex play, for others they may intrude at the plateau phase and become a crucial ingredient to full orgasmic release.

It seems that the change your wife made has robbed you both of the bonding and intimacy you need to experience that important aspect of your "becoming one flesh."

What exactly are her fantasies? Is she fantasizing that you two are on some remote tropical island? Is she imagining some fictional knight in shining armor? Or is she thinking about how fun it would be to hop in the sack with her colleague at work or the next-door neighbor? If she's fantasizing about you, then that's a harmless fantasy. If, on the other hand, she's fantasizing about someone else, that's harmful.

One approach you might take is for your wife to investigate with a counselor what her fantasies mean. Where did they originate? What elements in those images is she stimulating? Do they have any negative effects on her feelings toward you? Are there behavioral approaches that could gradually decondition her thought patterns to allow orgasm with a new script?

Pray this through together. Help her discover what God will do to solve the problem. He can change her thoughts if she'll turn them over to him. Prayer before sexual intercourse is helpful to experience a sense of pleasing God. It may take some time and effort to renew her mind but it would be well worth it. We hope she can see that there are options other than interrupting the sexual process.

next page... |  2 of 3

				Try 3 Issues of Christianity Today Free! Name Street Address City/State/Zip E-mail Address Subscribe to Christianity Today and get 3 free trial issues. No credit card required. Please allow 4-6 weeks for delivery. Offer valid in U.S. only. If you decide you want to keep Christianity Today coming, honor your invoice for just $19.95 and receive nine more issues, a full year in all. If not, simply write "cancel" across the invoice and return it. The three trial issues are yours to keep, regardless.

RSS Feed   RSS Help