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When Dave Meurer began dating his wife, Dale, he was working in a retail store and she was a college student. Twenty-three years of marriage later, he's the successful author of humorous books such as The Clueless Guy's Guide to Good Spousekeeping (Cook Communications)—and she's frequently the subject matter. Here's what they had to share with MP about using humor in marriage.

Has humor always been an important part of your marriage?
Dale: It's blossomed over the years.
Dave: We've mellowed. We were a couple of those really earnest, uptight, guilt-ridden Christians who felt like the Bible said, I have come that they might have guilt, and have it more abundantly.

And you're a humor writer, dave?
Dave: Well …
Dale: It was really more me than anything. Dave has always had a sense of humor. When we were dating, he wrote me this funny story that I just thought was stupid. So I threw it away. Now that I've loosened up over the years, I really wish I'd kept that story.

How did you loosen up?
Dave: We studied the Bible together, talked, and encouraged each other to grow out of a narrow set of ideas about God. God loves laughter!
Dale: Our relationship has actually gotten better since we've made a point to laugh more—even about things that drive us crazy.

Such as?
Dale: There was a time when we had only one bathroom, and our son would disappear in there for hours at a time! After one particularly long "session," I was frustrated and ready to throttle him. But when he finally emerged in a cloud of steam, Dave said, "Dale, look! It's The Creature from the Exceptionally Sanitary Lagoon!" Dave's use of humor eased my frustration. While the problem didn't go away, I found I could look at it differently. And even laugh about it.
Dave: I think that couching serious issues in humor can segue into having a meaningful talk about things such as communication, kids, finances, keeping romance alive. The things that couples should be talking about. It's amazing how poking fun at something can ease a lot of tension.

Poking fun at something, not someone, right?
Dale: Yes. It's important to focus on the situation, not the person.
Dave: It's not about sarcasm, or making fun of your spouse. Humor shouldn't be hurtful. I find a lot of humor in the unexpected, in the absurd. But it works best when it rings true. That's why exaggerations of reality can be so funny. The added bonus is that Dale can't stay mad at me if she's giggling!

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