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The Real Thing
Through the years we've discovered what true God-love is and what it isn't—and what that means for our marriage.
Mike and Debbie Breaux with Ginger Kolbaba | posted 9/12/2008
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Paul tells us how to get this love in Galatians 5:22: "When the Holy Spirit controls our lives, he will produce this kind of fruit in us: love …" And Peter writes in 2 Peter 1:3, "As we know Jesus better, his divine power gives us everything we need for living a godly life." Love is a byproduct of our intimacy with God. The same supernatural power that blew a rock off a tomb and gave life to a dead man is in us, guiding, stretching, and prompting us to do the right thing, convicting us when we do the wrong thing.
As we intentionally imitate Jesus throughout our day, there's this unexplainable surge of power and energy that enables us to love in ways we're incapable of on our own.
Love lesson: If you fall in love with God, really fall in love with God, you'll notice a difference in your love toward your spouse.
We each study and personalize the Bible and memorize specific verses to continually renew our minds to God's power and character. If we fail to do that, our culture and society will shape our minds in the opposite direction.
2. Love is an act of will.
Our culture equates love with the emotional, feeling part. One of the songs we grew up with suggests, "You've Lost that Lovin' Feeling." As though we misplaced it, or as if it's an emotion that involuntarily comes and goes.
Love, according to God, is a decision. It's an act of the will more than it's an act of a hormone.
We decide to love our spouse, even when we don't feel like it.
When Mike does something to annoy or frustrate me (Debbie), I know that the Holy Spirit can hold my tongue and I can choose to say the right thing. But sometimes, it's easier to say, God, I'm mad right now. I don't want to hear from you. I know it may wreck my marriage. I know I can never take it back, but I'm going to say it anyway. Because I'll feel so much better. But you know, I don't feel better. That's because I chose not to love.
Love lesson: When you don't feel those loving feelings, behave as though you do. AA has a slogan, "Fake it till you make it." We're not saying to be inauthentic. The "faking-it" part is saying, I'm going to decide to do the right thing. When we determine to treat our spouse with love—even when we don't feel like it—those feelings eventually catch up with our right behavior.
3. Love is approachable.
Am I approachable? Am I intimidating or testy? Does my tone or body language suggest that I'm superior?
Sometimes we react in ways that shut down communication. One Saturday morning a few weeks ago, Mike was putting in an underground dog fence. I (Debbie) was frustrated because it was a slow process, and he was frustrated that I was frustrated that it was a slow process. Every time we'd mention it, it became a hot topic. Finally, we got into a spat. Mike raised his voice, and I didn't speak to him the rest of the night. We weren't exactly approachable.
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