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Back From the Brink
It's Over.
Even my Christian counselor was suggesting divorce. Did my marriage have a chance?
Rose Michaels | posted 9/12/2008
 2 of 4
"Perhaps a divorce is best."
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. A Christian counselor was advising me to get divorced.
"I can't divorce Ted," I said. "That would hurt our kids. Besides, he'll start another life if I let him go now."
"Why not separate for a few months to clear the air?"
Though I wanted to dismiss the idea, I agreed to consider it. The counselor recommended I read Gary Chapman's Hope for the Separated. While I didn't relish the prospect of separation, I did appreciate Dr. Chapman's urging both spouses to work on their own mistakes rather than dwell on their partner's. I knew I'd acted in an ungodly manner toward Ted, once angrily kicking a trashcan down the basement steps and sometimes telling him we should never have married. Of course he'd said such things too, but I was responsible just for me.
Meanwhile, I was invited to teach at a conference in England later that fall. How ironic, I thought, that I, a communication expert and Christian, am contemplating marital separation. Perhaps God had engineered the conference to provide a short-term separation of his devising rather than a longer, man-made one. I'd be gone a week.
The day I received the invitation, I found Ted in the garage, hunting for a screwdriver. He barely looked up as I asked coyly, "Will you miss me when I leave?"
He replied far too calmly, "You better get an attorney. Mine is starting divorce proceedings."
"But we have to separate first!" I exclaimed.
"Whatever," he said shortly. "The attorneys can handle it."
"Is this about my criticizing your lack of family leadership?"
"We're incompatible. We should never have gotten married."
Shocked, I returned to the house. I could only pray, "God, we need your help."
Calming myself, the next day I called an attorney who agreed to represent me. I e-mailed Ted the attorney's contact information, too hurt to discuss it in person. A few days later I received a letter with the hearing date. The words stared at me from the page in an accusatory manner.
Was this my fault? I wondered. What would happen to our family?
Beauty and loss
Just days before my conference, news spread around the world of Princess Diana's death. How could a beautiful young woman with the world at her feet suddenly die, leaving two young sons without a mother? Boarding a jet just hours later, the pain and worry of leaving my sons disheartened me. The four of us had prayed before I left, Ted's voice tense and unfeeling. As my plane soared into the sky, I wondered what the next several weeks and months would bring.
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