Home > Marriage > Better Sex > Hounded by the Foxes
Hounded by the Foxes
Nabbing the thieves that steal your intimacy.
Joseph and Linda Dillow and Peter and Lorraine Pintus | posted 9/12/2008
 2 of 4
Men are not the only ones who suffer from overwork. Women who are employed full time are usually still the main family and house managers. And don't forget about stay-at-home moms.
Lynne is a stay-at-home mom. You'd think she'd have time on her hands, but she homeschools their five children, manages the household, teaches Sunday school, and sells cosmetics on the side.
If you asked Lynne, "How's your sex life?" she'd answer, "Sex—what's that?"
It used to be that several times a year, Americans took a vacation. They retreated to a quaint cabin (with no television) by a mountain lake, where they sipped lemonade, listened to the katydids chirp, and enjoyed the chance to get away from the phone and their daily routine. These days, instead of getting away, we take it all with us. On our last vacation, we each took a cell phone and a laptop. Count it up: between us, five days away with four cell phones, four laptops, two Palm Pilots, and two Day-Timers.
Unfortunately, constant connections with the outside world can leave us disconnected from our mate.
Intimacy stealer #2: children
First you married, then you had kids. Problems surface when couples reverse this order. We best serve our kids when we make our marriage our first priority. Children, while gifts from God and a joy to parents, require constant care, diminishing opportunities for intimacy. Cassie told us: "I've got three preschoolers. I'm so exhausted from kids pulling on me all day that by bedtime, I can hardly move. Then my husband wants sex, and he wonders why I'm irritated. The last thing I need is another person pulling on my worn-out body."
Murphy's Law says, "Sex makes little kids. Kids make little sex."
Jody and Linda: Years ago, when our kids were preschoolers, we realized we needed some time alone as a couple. After years of being pregnant and nursing, Linda was beyond exhausted. So we planned a weekend away. We secured a woman to stay with our children. Everything was in place—and then the babysitter got sick. So we planned a second getaway. Again, we spent days getting every detail in place—then Linda got sick. On our third attempt, we thought, Surely this time it will happen—and the car broke down. Our attempts to be alone were adding more stress to our already stressed-out lives, but we were determined to spend time together, without kids. On the fourth try we had our weekend away. It was glorious, well worth fighting for.
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