Home > Marriage > Real Sex > How Often Is Normal?
How Often Is Normal?
Also: "Are Dirty Words Okay?", "Speeding Up Orgasm", and "Emotions of the Heart"
Louis and Melissa McBurney | posted 9/12/2008
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Of course, using God's name is always a no-no. One of the Ten Commandments states it clearly: "You shall not misuse the name of the Lord your God" (Exodus 20:7).
The bottom line for us is the intent of language. Words that have not the least tinge of vulgarity can be used in deadly, demeaning ways that wound another's spirit. Other words that are more common street talk can be used in loving, affirming ways. We're hesitant to give specific examples in this context, but one that comes to mind is the apostle Paul's expression about his pedigree in Philippians 3:8. He says, "I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ." But in the Greek—the language he originally used—he writes, "I count all this to be excrement compared to finding Christ." Eugene Peterson, in The Message, uses the term "dog dung."
So we'd say if the words are used in a loving way to enhance your bonding, go ahead. We don't think your private, loving use of any words will be a surprise to God. If your words (whatever they are) are used in a destructive or demeaning way, though, cut it out!
Speeding up Orgasm
Q. Whenever my husband and I have sex, it usually takes me 45 minutes or more to climax. Then I feel guilty because it takes me so long. Is there anything I can do to have an orgasm quicker?
A. Forty-five minutes of sexual togetherness sounds like fun! We're betting your husband enjoys every minute of it. So relax and don't worry about the amount of time.
Reaching orgasm depends on your unique sexual response curve. Most women are much slower than men to progress through the arousal phase to the plateau and orgasmic phases of sex. Anything you can do to enhance your climb up that curve could hasten your orgasm. Here are some possibilities.
Establish some romantic mood-setting several hours before you begin physical interaction. Touch. Cast a lingering glance at your honey. Cuddle each other. Dim the lights. Bring out the candles. Focus on thinking about being intimate with your spouse. Those thoughts can bring an anticipation that helps you climb that curve.
Eliminate, or at least reduce, distractions. Unplug the phone. Turn off the television. Lock the kids in their rooms (just kidding, but you can send them to their rooms early). Finish any chores you have trouble ignoring. Ask your husband to help with the dishes or the other chores. Then wink and say, "The sooner we finish these, the sooner we get to play."
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