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I need to talk to you," my husband said. I was resting comfortably in our bedroom. He sat on the edge of the bed, and I knew from his serious look that something was terribly wrong. My heart began to pound, and I feared some tragedy had taken place.

Unforgiven

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"I've kept a secret from you all these years—and it's kept me from being completely open and honest toward you. I want to break the power this secret has held over me—and us."

The words came slowly as he told me he lied to me during our engagement when he told me he was a virgin. I was shocked. I felt betrayed—and I was angry.

Being pure when we married was important to me. What angered me more, though, was that he'd lied about it for 35 years. I wanted to lash out and hurt him as much as he'd hurt me.

I grabbed one of his favorite shirts and shook it in his face. "You don't deserve to wear this shirt any longer." The shirt bore the logo of the Promise Keepers men's association, "Men of Integrity." I threw it in the top of my closet.

Later, as my anger cooled, I remembered a few years earlier when I'd hurt my husband deeply—a time when I'd become emotionally involved with another man. My husband chose to forgive me. I knew I had to do the same for him. I just didn't want to.

How could he do this to me? Especially when I trusted him? I wondered. I thought about how Jesus told us to forgive so that we will be forgiven (Luke 6:37). But nothing was going to change my attitude toward my husband.

As Father's Day approached, God continued to deal with me. Finally, I realized our marriage couldn't overcome this obstacle until I chose to forgive. Asking God for strength, I tearfully took the shirt from the closet, wrapped it, and gave it to him. He cried with relief as we embraced.

I was surprised by how that simple act doused my anger and flooded my heart with forgiveness. And we moved on with our lives.

I had to choose to forgive my husband even before I felt forgiveness. Though still angry and hurt, I had a responsibility to forgive. The apostle Paul writes, "As God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you" (Colossians 3:12-13).

Every Christian knows about the importance of forgiveness. It's an expectation: just forgive; you're supposed to forgive. But what happens when it becomes difficult to forgive? It doesn't even have to be over something "big," such as infidelity. What if it's over the annoying little habits or seemingly stupid things your spouse continues to do or not do?

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