Home > Marriage > Spirituality > Unforgiven
Unforgiven
The only antidote to bitterness was something I didn't feel like doing.
Golden Keyes Parsons | posted 9/12/2008
 2 of 3
How do we truly forgive our spouses when they offend us? What does forgiveness look like in practical, everyday life? In marriage we find an opportunity to learn to forgive a myriad of hurts, large and small. In Sacred Marriage, author Gary Thomas writes, "One of marriage's primary purposes is to teach us how to forgive."
At a conference several years ago, I was talking to a woman who'd been physically abused throughout the course of her marriage. She was now divorced, but still having trouble forgiving her ex-husband. I explained that in the Bible the word for forgiveness means to abandon, to send away, leave alone. True forgiveness is a releasing. I don't have to wait until I feel like forgiving. That may never happen. Instead, I must choose to forgive. God will deal with whatever else needs to be done. When someone first shared that insight with me, I felt a tremendous sense of relief. And as I shared it with this new divorcé;e, her eyes filled with tears. She realized forgiving her ex-husband didn't mean condoning his behavior, it meant releasing him so God could deal with him.
Bitterness and unforgiveness are two of the most difficult issues many of us deal with in marriage. Ordinary annoyances that occur in every marriage can cause anger and frustration—such as when your spouse interrupts you during a conversation or forgets to pay a bill. These small irritations can grow into mountainous obstacles if we don't deal with them daily. But if we make forgiveness a habit, even for the little things, it will be much easier to forgive the big ones.
Anger can be toxic. If we don't take care of it, it can turn inward and become bitterness. The apostle Paul says, "In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry" (Ephesians 4:26). Our bodies aren't equipped to handle residual anger: harboring anger and bitterness takes a toll on us psychologically and physically. It causes undue stress and physical illness.
In the October 27, 1997, issue of Archives of Internal Medicine, the editors asked physicians, "What specific personality characteristic causes physical illness?" Their answer: anger.
God didn't design our bodies to carry the venom of anger, unforgiveness, and bitterness. He designed us to live in peace and harmony with our mates, which can only occur through forgiveness.
We'd really like to know what you think about this article! |
Is this the kind of article you'd like to see more of?
Is there a topic you'd like us to cover?
Please send your suggestions to |
Marriage Partnership
Home | Archives | Contact Us
 |
|
 |
|
|
|
|
Try 3 Issues of Christianity Today Free!
|
 |
|
Subscribe to Christianity Today and get 3 free trial issues. No credit card required.
Please allow 4-6 weeks for delivery. Offer valid in U.S. only.
If you decide you want to keep Christianity Today coming, honor your invoice for just $19.95 and receive nine more issues, a full year in all. If not, simply write "cancel" across the invoice and return it. The three trial issues are yours to keep, regardless.
|
|
|
|
|
|
 |
|
 |
| |
|
RSS Feed
