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"It has to be changeable," I interjected, excited to see another couple getting into the swing of things. "It can't be something like his mother, the color of his eyes, or his height. Nothing like that."

Dana thought for a moment, studying her husband. "I wish you'd listen to what I say from start to finish."

"That's fixable," I spoke up. "Why is that significant to you?"

"Because it says I'm important to him," Dana answered. "I'd feel more appreciated and understood."

I felt like a marriage counselor. "Ron," I asked, "what do you say? Can you do that?"

"Sure," Ron said. Now it was Ron's turn. At first he struggled, saying he loved Dana so much, he couldn't imagine anything about her he'd like to see changed. But as soon as I turned toward the next couple, he interrupted, "Well—sometimes I wish she wouldn't have so many little projects. It drives me crazy looking at all the stacks of stuff lying around the house."

Dana sighed. "It's called laundry, Ron," she informed him.

We all laughed. "But is it fixable?" I asked.

"Sure," Dana said. "I just didn't know it was so important."

Soon the other couples piped in. Some of the answers had us nearly rolling on the floor in amusement. One husband said he wouldn't mind his wife not giving him such a list of "to do" things, to which she replied, "But you look so lost without something to do!" When our laughter subsided, he added, "That's because I'm not sure how much time I have before you give me something to do."

Other requests were more poignant. "I wish," one wife said, "he'd follow through on what he says so I'll feel as though I matter."

In Romans 12:18 the apostle Paul writes: "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone."

About two years ago my lower back began to bother me. After a visit to the doctor, the end result was this: according to my physician, my middle had gotten a little fluffy (which is why I love those overall shorts so much!). This was putting strain on my spine, which pretty much holds me together. (This, too, is changeable. I'm now walking three miles a day to reduce the fluff.)

The middle of things is awfully important, and so it is with the verse in Romans. "As far as it depends on you."

It's so easy to get comfortable with the "little irritations." They're like paper cuts. At first they sting and we're constantly aware of them. Eventually, however, we manage to continue doing whatever it is we do without noticing or even feeling the little slice in our flesh. But the cut remains, and infection can easily set in.

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