Home > Marriage > Help & Healing > We Never Loved Each Other
We Never Loved Each Other
We never even really liked each other. How would our marriage last?
Cindy Wilson, as told to Simon Presland | posted 9/12/2008
 2 of 4
"You hate me!" he seethed. "You're just like everyone else!" Speechless, I cowered under his tirade. By the end of the week, we couldn't even speak to each other.
We'd bought a house just before our wedding, and when we returned from our honeymoon, it was cold and empty. Just like my heart, I thought.
A façade of happiness
After Pete left for work the next day, I fled to my sister's house. Tears and remorse poured out. "What should I do?" I asked.
"I don't know," she replied.
We prayed and hugged and cried together.
At home, Pete constantly spewed anger and bitterness. I retaliated by staying home during the day and leaving at night. A girlfriend needed help. Someone from church called. I'd leave supper and a note on the table.
For the next year, Pete and I kept up a façade of happiness when others were around. If anyone asked, "How are the newlyweds?" "Fine," was our pat answer. Our plastic smiles fooled family and friends. But I couldn't deceive God. During my devotional times, I'd beg: "Please, God, take my life. Maybe then Pete will find someone who can love him." I wasn't really suicidal. I just didn't think I could handle my emotional pain I felt any longer.
Meanwhile, Pete exploded at home over the slightest thing. Sometimes he'd apologize and want to make love. The next day he'd find something to belittle me about. Finally, I had enough and grabbed some clothes, then left for a friend's home. After a couple of weeks, my friend asked if I'd be willing to meet with Pete.
"Okay, but I don't know what good it will do," I told her. She phoned Pete and set up a meeting for the following week.
"Love isn't a feeling, although feelings follow love," she told us. "You both have some deep-rooted issues that you'd have to face no matter who you'd married. You have a tough decision to make. Either your covenant before God matters and you'll try to work things out, or you'll become another divorce statistic."
We decided to pray separately for a few days, then meet again. During this time, I read the biblical story of Esther. She was trapped in an unwanted marriage. I don't know if she ever learned to love King Xerxes, but she did what was right.
When our meeting night arrived, I'd made my decision. "Pete, I married you out of fear and selfishness, and I hate myself for doing that. However, I made a commitment before God. While I don't know the outcome, I'm willing to work on our relationship."
"I married you because I didn't think anyone else would want me," he replied. "I can't say I love you—I don't know what love is. But a divorce would be too painful." It wasn't much, but it was a start.
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