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Let's be honest, though, prayer is about the last thing we feel like doing when our patience is being tested, isn't it? But we can pray about whatever is causing us to be impatient. For example, my friend can pray for his wife who's always late and ask God how he can help her be on time. Maybe she's overloaded with too much to do. Or she tries to fit too much into a day. Or she's trying to be perfect. On the flip side, she can ask God to help her be better organized, or have a clearer concept of time and how much of it is needed in order to accomplish all she needs to do.

Whatever the case, remember that each prayer, even when it seems to be about the same old thing, has new life in it each time you pray it. Prayer sets something in motion, even your spouse—though that may not seem immediately detectable.

I've found one of the best ways to develop patience is to think of my waiting times as "waiting on the Lord." So instead of waiting on my husband to change, I think of waiting on the Lord to work changes in him. And in me! That whole mind adjustment makes it much easier to be patient with my spouse. Waiting on the Lord gives me the sense that something is going on, I just can't see it at the moment. But I wait with eager anticipation to see what God is going to do.

Every time we lose our patience, we can stop and thank God for keeping his with us. The apostle Paul reminds us: "Now may the God of patience and comfort grant you to be like-minded toward one another, according to Christ Jesus" (Romans 15:5, NKJV). We can thank him for his desire and willingness to give us the peace that passes all understanding, and for helping us rest in his perfect timing. If we are to "consider it pure joy" when we go through trials (James 1:2), how much more are we to do that in the daily trials that occur in our marriage?

Through my own marriage, I've discovered that patience means biting my tongue when I feel like wagging it. It means learning to "shut up and pray" when I'd rather "open up and vent." For many years I thought that telling my husband my every thought—as I was thinking it—was "constructive communication." (Isn't that what a good marriage needs?) But it was destructive instead, because my husband wasn't ready to hear all that. It actually pushed us further apart. When I learned to pray more than I talked, things started to improve.

Patience means learning not to give up when it looks as though your spouse is never going to change, or when it seems as if the things that bother you are never going to be any different. My husband's anger was always the biggest problem for me in our marriage. I came into the marriage with a lot of hurt from the past, and his temper caused me to hurt even more and withdraw from him.

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