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Our instant messaging began as a way to communicate during class, similar to the way I'd passed notes as a kid. But the sessions grew more frequent, and soon I was chatting while at my job and late at night while doing homework. Our physical separation provided a false sense of security when our conversations and e-mails turned gradually more flirtatious.

Stephanie stood out from other women I knew. She was free spirited—intelligent, funny, and carefree. But most important, she was attentive and non-judgmental. As our friendship grew, so did my romantic feelings.

Inside, though, I was conflicted. Though I knew I was breaking my vows, I felt Dawn's rejection justified my feelings for Stephanie. I often cried out to God through journaling and poetry. I knew he'd forgive me if I repented. But at the same time, I blamed God for allowing my marriage to fall apart. And frankly, I wasn't ready to repent.

Sensing the growing chasm between us, Dawn sought ways to spend more time together, clearing her calendar of events planned weeks in advance. She made certain we ate supper together and cooked my favorite foods. I stubbornly resisted her efforts.

"How was your day?" she'd ask when I came home from work.

"Fine," I'd reply, then ignore her. Although I knew I should work on my marriage, I was still angry about Dawn's loyalty to her parents and her sexual rejection of me. I wanted to hurt her as badly as she'd hurt me.

Months earlier I'd planned a romantic, 5th-anniversary trip to Cancun. As my relationship with Stephanie intensified, so did my desire to get out of the trip. One week before we were to leave, Dawn and I had a heated argument.

"We may as well cancel our trip to Cancun," I said. "I don't want to waste the time or money when all we do is fight."

Shocked, Dawn began to sob.

I cancelled our reservations the next day.

Four weeks passed. One day at work an instant message from Stephanie popped onto my screen. "I need to tell you something, but I don't know how."

Replying back, I urged, "You can share anything with me."

"It's really personal and I don't want to look foolish."

"Okay," I said, "if it makes you feel better, send me an e-mail."

Sure she was going to confide her feelings toward me, I logged onto my e-mail account. I read her message, savoring every word.

"The last several weeks have been great," she wrote. "I know you're married, which makes this a lot harder." My heart pounded in my chest as I read on. "I've realized I have feelings for you. I often imagine what it would be like to kiss you."

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