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And that's what Katie believed. In the midst of her career, her husband's career, three kids, multiple church activities, and a fast-paced life that had no time for the marriage, they definitely suffered a loss of passion. They had grown apart. They weren't feeling in love. No wonder they were not experiencing a "soul mate" marriage.

But what Katie and Scott missed is that a soul mate isn't something you find; a soul mate is someone you intentionally and prayerfully become.

In Genesis 2 we find the familiar first "not good" of Creation: Adam was alone. It's there we discover that God created the problem of loneliness, and it's there we discover that God created the solution to loneliness: deep, authentic relationships and, even deeper, the intimacy of marriage.

Then throughout the Bible, God gives us the simple yet powerful details on how to have a great marriage, telling husbands to love their wives, and wives to respect their husbands (Ephesians 5:33), both intentional choices.

Even more amazing is that out of all the possible illustrations God could have chosen, he picked the relationship between the husband and the wife to exemplify the soul-deep intimacy he desires with his bride, the church (Ephesians 5:32).

In my counseling work and in my own marriage, I've discovered that only by accepting that charge to represent Christ in our marriage can we find the soul mate experience for which we long. Our loving God wants his married children to experience deep, loving, soul-touching relationships in marriage. That kind of connection is accomplished only through committed effort.

My wife, Amy, and I are very much in love. We have a great marriage. But nobody sees us 24/7/365. They see only the "public face," not the couple zillion times I've done my "the world revolves around me" dance. They haven't seen the myriad times (I think the number's higher than Amy does) that lightning bolts have blasted out of my wife's eyes causing my head to explode and my body to incinerate right on the spot. Really. What I'm saying is this. Amy and I have a very real marriage. We disagree, we argue, and we get frustrated with each other. But even in those times, we work even harder at treating each other with love and respect.

Yes, we love each other. But we fight. We are not compatible in every way. Sometimes we think our differences outweigh our similarities. There are many times when we have to make changes and personal sacrifices for each other (one of us more than the other—and that's just because he needs to do it more). We're in love and are soul mates. Why? Because we work at it. That's why Amy and I are soul mates.

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