Home > Marriage > Communication > Simple Gifts
Simple Gifts
What cereal boxes and straightened shoes taught me about love
By Merry Marinello | posted 9/12/2008
 2 of 3
Then I looked at Dave. He had the same expression on his face!
"What are you thinking?" I asked him.
"Well," he started, tentatively, "you picked gifts as one of your love languages."
"Yes," I said. Where is he going with this? I thought. Gifts is a great love language.
"You picked the one area I feel most ungifted at."
We silently looked at each other. How could it be possible that we spoke four different love languages? Our pastor never warned us of this in premarital counseling!
Hope is on the way
The one thing we did learn in premarital counseling was to get things out in the open and discuss them. So we did. And we discovered we were making a lot of assumptions about each other. But we also found a lot of ways to connect.
Study time.
As we began to define the kinds of things that filled our "love tanks," we saw we had a lot in common. Walks in a mall or park filled my desire for quality time—and because we held hands, Dave was thriving on the physical touch.
We decided to become students of each other. We'd ask questions and be genuinely interested in what the other had to say.
A cheat sheet.
Many spouses think their mate should know what they want or need. But, in truth, I have to help my spouse understand me. I have to actually tell him!
The gifts Dave dreaded, the ones he thought would surely break our bank account or his limited creativity, and the ones I hoped for, were two different things. I wanted notes on scrap paper, an occasional card, flowers or chocolate, a surprise evening out, or best of all—to play board games together. When I shared that with him, he was surprised at how simple it could be. But we also discussed the importance of appreciating each other's less-than-perfect attempts—such as when I tried to keep the house clean. (I really did try!)
Winning score.
As we cleared up our misunderstandings about each other's language, I realized that I get just as much joy out of what I can do for Dave, as from what he can do for me.
During our initial discussion, as I fretted over his acts of service need, he told me, "You know when I feel most loved? When you straighten my shoes by the door."
That was news to me—I straightened them to keep from tripping over them!
"When you do that," he continued, "I think, She thought of me. Here are my shoes, all ready to go."
Now when I walk past those shoes, I take joy in straightening them. In that 30 seconds I realize, I'm making my husband feel loved. Maybe there's something else I can do to make him feel loved …
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