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So many times we know we should forgive, we understand what God says about the importance of forgiveness, but still we fight it. Here are some excuses I hear from couples.

It's not fair. Of course it isn't, but we all live with the consequences of another person's sin. For instance, we're stuck with the consequence of Adam's and Eve's sin. And on the marriage front, since it's God's will that we remain married, the only real choice we have is whether we want to live out those consequences of our spouse's sin in the bondage of bitterness or the freedom of forgiveness.

But you don't know how bad he (or she) hurt me! That's not the issue. Your spouse may still hurt you. But forgiveness is how you stop the pain.

I have to heal first—then I'll be able to forgive. Research shows over and over that forgiveness brings healing, not the other way around.

But I want revenge! The writer of Hebrews reminds us, "For we know him who said, 'It is mine to avenge; I will repay'" (">10:30). We have to trust that God will even the score and make things right.

Why should I let him (or her) off the hook? If you don't forgive, you're still hooked to that offense. You'll gain freedom from the past if you let your spouse off your hook. But remember, your spouse isn't off God's hook.

Where's the justice? It's in the cross. Jesus died for your sins, and my sins, and his sins, and her sins.

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