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"Yes, that would be nice." I didn't know what else to say. I knew from experience that when you're the same height, you can walk with an arm around your wife's shoulders, but you can't rest it on her shoulders. I suspected what Trish was referring to were her walks with Mr. Ex-fiancé;.

"Does it help when I wear my cowboy boots?"

"A little. But it's not enough."

After that, I didn't want to wear my boots at all. Pulling them on, I was no longer thinking of rodeos and trail rides. I was thinking, Even with these on, it's not enough.

I fought irrational feelings of inadequacy. Maybe stature isn't the only area where she sees me as undersized. This is stupid, I thought. There's nothing you can do about this. It's not your fault. Trish is trying to deal with her issues as best she can.

She didn't mean to hurt me. Surely. Don't let it get to you, Josh, I told myself over and over. Forgive and forget it.

But I couldn't. For the first three years of our marriage, every time I saw my boots, every time I saw a pair of Trish's shoes with flat heels, I winced. I didn't see this as my shortcoming, however, but hers. Every day I was reminded that in my wife's eyes, I didn't measure up. What was I to do with these recurring jabs?

The years since have brought some perspective. I've learned that lots of married people live with daily reminders of an ongoing source of pain, some of which make my size syndrome look rather petty.

For some, there's a daily reminder of a spouse's incompetence in some area. For one couple, every time she looks at the checkbook, she's reminded that he's incapable of earning enough to support the family without her income. For another couple, each time he sees the pills in the medicine cabinet, he's reminded that she suffers a depression that prevents them from having the kind of family life he always dreamed.

For others, it's having dinner with children from your spouse's first marriage. Or writing monthly checks to pay off loans, the result of bad financial decisions.

How do you deal with daily reminders of painful aspects of your relationship?

Many things in a relationship have to be forgiven—not just once, but every time you think about them.

For me, it helped to remember that there are plenty of things about me that Trish has to forgive on a regular basis.

I first realized this after I took our 2-year-old daughter to the grocery store and, foolishly, allowed her to stand in the shopping cart as we were heading back to the car.

She was facing forward, holding on to the front of the cart, when the front wheels suddenly hit a crack in the pavement. The cart jerked to a stop, and Jessie flew out, landing face first on the asphalt with a sickening thud.

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