Home > Marriage > Help & Healing > What I Wish I'd Known Before I Got Divorced
What I Wish I'd Known Before I Got Divorced
By Georgia Shaffer | posted 9/12/2008
 2 of 4
Then there are the scheduling dilemmas. Recently, my friend Betsy and I were discussing how complicated it can be to see our sons during a short college break. Although we both cooperate with our ex-husbands, we still ache as we watch our innocent children bear the heavy responsibility of carefully doling out their time between the families in an effort not to alienate either parent.
Although the everyday occurrences can create plenty of challenges after divorce, the special occasions are worse. Every birthday, holiday, wedding, or funeral is a potential nightmare. Allison told me, "At my future daughter-in-law's wedding, she's planning to walk down the aisle by herself because she has multiple fathers and is torn between her allegiances. My heart breaks for her." These problems don't end when the children grow up and marry. The hassles continue with the grandchildren.
Even if you remarry, the consequences of your divorce continue to impact your life. Jan Coleman, author of After the Locusts, was single-again for 12 years before marrying Carl. As good as her present marriage is, she doesn't hesitate to say what a dramatic change it made in her life.
"Yes, you can love and trust again," she says. "But the first marriage is God's best, his design. We weren't meant to give up on it, but to work through all the struggles to God's glory and our best. The tearing of the flesh may heal, but the scars are always there. Remarriage can be great in many ways if you marry for the right reasons, but it's still not the same."
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