Home > Marriage > Couple Counsel > Winter Woes
Winter Woes
Also: "His endless projects never get done!"; "Separation Readjustments"
By Gary and Carrie Oliver
 1 of 3
Every winter my wife becomes extremely emotional and depressed. The only reason I can figure is that she's affected by the lack of sun and the dreary days and weather. Could that be true?
A. It sounds as though your wife is suffering from Seasonal Affective Disorder Syndrome (SADS). For several years now SADS has been identified by the American Psychiatric Association as a cause of clinical depression. What your wife is experiencing is real.
An estimated 5 million Americans deal with SADS. It often begins in October/November and lasts for about five months, ending in March/April. One study showed that 83 percent of those who suffer from SADS are women, and the onset of the illness typically occurs in their thirties. Some of the symptoms include moodiness, sadness, changes in appetite and sleep patterns, feelings of guilt, self-blame, and helplessness.
Given the nature of SADS, it should be no surprise that the farther north you go the more common it is. For example, SADS affects about 1.9 percent of the population in Florida and 9.7 percent of the population of New Hampshire.
Although the causes aren't totally understood, we do know that it's related to light deprivation.
The good news is that SADS is treatable. In most cases the most effective treatment is light. But it's important for you and your wife to seek professional help for a definite diagnosis and specific treatment suggestions.
His endless projects never get done!
Q. My husband keeps starting home improvement projects—then doesn't finish them! Right now there's no plumbing, ceiling, or flooring in our kitchen, tools are strewn everywhere, and the dust is settling in the rest of the house. But when he comes home from work, he sits in front of the computer or the TV and makes excuses about why he can't complete the job. This has been going on for seven months. I can't take it anymore!
A. Wow, this must be extremely frustrating. Congratulations for lasting seven months. In these situations the first step is to make sure you've communicated clearly your concerns. While many spouses express their concerns, often they don't do it in ways that guarantee their mate will "get it" and make a change.
When we communicate a message that involves frustration on our part and has the potential to lead to conflict, it's critical that we consider what we want to say, how we want to say it, and when is the best time to talk.
Start by making a specific list of your concerns. When you talk with him, be sure to share how it's a problem for you and the family, the inconvenience it involves, and the embarrassment when friends come over, as well as what you feel as a result of the constant chaos. If it were me (Carrie), I'd feel dishonored, disrespected, and discouraged. Help him see what this looks like through the eyes of you and the kids. Don't allow your frustration to overwhelm you and cause the conversation to come off as an attack. Ask God to help you "speak the truth in love" (Ephesians 4:15). Also, make sure you talk with him at a time when he's more likely to be rested and open.
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