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Baby Blues
When kids reveal problems in a marriage, it's time to make some changes.
By Gary D. Chapman | posted 9/12/2008
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List five things you think would improve your marriage right now. Evaluate them by placing the word realistic, unrealistic, or maybe beside each. Share your lists. See if you can agree on at least one thing from each that you'll attempt to do this week.
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A week or two later, read through the previous list of common conflict areas and indicate the area that's been most distressing. Then list the second and the third most distressing. Do this separately, then get together and share your lists. Pick the number one area from each and discuss possible changes you can make. Work toward finding agreeable solutions. This requires a willingness to let your spouse think differently and feel differently from you, and a respect for your mate's thoughts and feelings. Rather than arguing, be willing to change, compromise, and look for solutions you can agree on.
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In upcoming weeks (perhaps every other week), discuss the second area of conflict and then the third. You may wish to continue through this list, seeking to grow in all major conflict areas. Talk with other couples about possible solutions for areas in which the two of you are having difficulty in reaching agreement. Your struggles aren't unique. Why not benefit from the experiences of older couples or a skilled counselor? mp
Gary D. Chapman, Ph.D., a marriage and relationship expert, is best-selling author of The Five Love Languages and Five Signs of a Loving Family (both Moody) .
Copyright © 2005 by the author or Christianity Today International/Marriage Partnership magazine. Click here for reprint information on Marriage Partnership.
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