Home > Marriage > Communication > Catch-phrases
Catch-phrases
Your secret code to defuse conflict
By Pam and Bill Farrel | posted 9/12/2008
 2 of 3
2. Humor helps! You both might enjoy a movie line, a joke punch line, greeting card, or commercial slogan. Some friends of ours are completely different in personality. He's a strong power broker on Wall Street; she's a delicate flower of an artist. In the corporate world, his decisive and authoritative strengths have made him financially successful. But when he used those same traits at home, he built hurt and resentment between them by mowing over her thoughts and feelings during their conversations. As I (Bill) spoke with him about his unintentional, yet hurtful, actions, I suggested they find a password to clue him in that he was overpowering his wife. They both love the Warner Brothers cartoon Roadrunner, and thought that poor flattened coyote perfectly illustrated how she often felt.
Now when she feels overwhelmed by her husband, she just says in her best roadrunner form, "Beep, beep!" That means "Back off, buddy!" in the nicest way.
Another couple likes the show Home Improvement. When Chris tries to "fix" his wife's issues without letting her talk them out completely, she'll say, "Tim Taylor" or "You have your tool box out again."
3. You both need to agree. We've found phrases such as, "Get over it!" aren't very effective! Passwords shouldn't be a phrase one mate uses to club the other over the head, or snide, cutting remarks intended to force the partner to tow the line. Instead, choose a prearranged phrase that makes you both feel better emotionally.
I (Bill) found a way to handle a situation that's been irritating me for almost 10 years. I'm a one-task-at-a-time man who likes to start a project and finish it before
I begin another. The only way I can do this is to limit the number of ideas I let myself juggle. Pam, on the other hand, is an idea person. She relaxes by coming up with and discussing new ideas. This energizes her. But listening to it all causes me stress and a lot of irritation!
Oftentimes, when we're sitting around relaxing, Pam will begin sharing her growing list of inspirational thoughts about how to make the world a better place. As I listen to what seems to be an endless stream of ideas, I become worn out.
For years I didn't understand this phenomenon. I felt overwhelmed because I thought I needed to act on every one of her ideas. If they'd been my ideas, I would not have shared them until I was ready to move on them. I assumed Pam was operating the same way. But she wasn't!
One day I finally asked her, "Do I need to act on every idea you bring up?"
"Of course not!" Pam replied. "I could never do all my ideas."
We'd really like to know what you think about this article! |
Is this the kind of article you'd like to see more of?
Is there a topic you'd like us to cover?
Please send your suggestions to |
Marriage Partnership
Home | Archives | Contact Us
 |
|
 |
|
|
|
|
Try 3 Issues of Christianity Today Free!
|
 |
|
Subscribe to Christianity Today and get 3 free trial issues. No credit card required.
Please allow 4-6 weeks for delivery. Offer valid in U.S. only.
If you decide you want to keep Christianity Today coming, honor your invoice for just $19.95 and receive nine more issues, a full year in all. If not, simply write "cancel" across the invoice and return it. The three trial issues are yours to keep, regardless.
|
|
|
|
|
|
 |
|
 |
| |
|
RSS Feed
