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Homer & Marge & Dave & Jana
The Simpsons as our role models? D'oh!
By David L. Goetz | posted 9/12/2008
 2 of 4
There are a lot of "I'm sorry for the gravy in the bathtub" apologies in our marriage. They grease communication and cut anxiety: "I'm sorry for forgetting to pick up Christian after baseball practice." "I'm sorry for not getting home soon enough for you to make it to your job on time." "I'm sorry for letting the kids trash the house one hour before you get home from work and two hours before our church's small group arrives." "I'm sorry for not wiping the dog's muddy feet right after the cleaners left."
Basically, I'm sorry a lot. I often violate the scriptural admonition not to let the sun go down on my wrath. When I feel hurt or ignored or know that I've crossed a line, I tend to orbit further and further from Jana. It takes so much more energy to orbit closer to the center.
I might not say good night when we head to bed. I know that can trouble Jana. It's my destructive way of communicating, "My feelings are still hurt, and I'm not giving you the satisfaction of feeling good about us before you fall sleep."
The issue always comes to a head. It has to. Or we live in increasing silence and begin to cycle down. The act of saying, "I'm sorry for …" or "I apologize for …" stops the silence. It breaks the cycle.
On Tuesdays, for a time, I arrived home from work at 1 p.m. to care for our 4 year old while Jana worked as a nurse. Or should I say, I was supposed to arrive home at 1 p.m. Most often, it was 1:10 or 1:15, so Jana would peel out of our driveway, knowing she'd be several minutes late for work.
Once, after I did it yet again by not cutting short a luncheon, we began our liturgy anew. Jana jumped in the van and tore off to work. She called me on the way, and I asked her whether she would forgive me—again. "Are you asking for forgiveness?" she said.
D'oh! I can't get by with anything.
3. Some hurt takes more than 20 minutes to process.
In the last episode of season five, at Marge's suggestion, Homer enrolls in an adult education course. In a twist, instead of taking a class, Homer is hired to teach!
The subject? Marriage.
When Homer discovers he can't keep the attention of his class, he resorts to revealing personal secrets about his marriage. The class is now rapt with attention, and soon the community is abuzz with tasty Simpson love-life delicacies.
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