Home > Marriage > Starting Out > Performance Anxiety
Performance Anxiety
When our sex life didn't fit the newlywed cliché, I was determined to fix it.
Emily Bari | posted 9/12/2008
 2 of 2
I found I preferred offering love to Dan as a gift for the terrific man he is instead of trying to seduce him as if he were an actor from a steamy movie scene. It was much more satisfying—and fun—to create our own spontaneous enjoyment in the bedroom rather than studying a pop culture magazine like it was a sexual owner's manual. Plus, the inner peace and confidence I gained through prayer was more attractive to Dan than any piece of slinky lingerie I could have worn.
On a practical level, Dan and I realized we'd been working extremely long days without getting the exercise or balanced meals we needed as healthy individuals. When Dan added a run into his day and I lifted some weights, our energy for each other skyrocketed.
When I released my expectations for having constant, wild, passionate "newlywed" sex, I saw we really didn't have a problem. Now when I assume something's wrong, I stop and think, Where's the real difficulty? Within the situation itself or my expectations?
While there still aren't any countertops or Jacuzzi tubs in our sex life, there aren't any lofty expectations, either. So even in our plain-old bedroom, with our plain-old sheets, in plain-old t-shirts, the lovemaking is extraordinary.
Dan and Judith Bari have been
married 1 year and live in Minnesota
Copyright © 2006 by the author or Christianity Today International/Marriage Partnership magazine. Click here for reprint information on Marriage Partnership.
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