Home > Marriage > Couple Counsel > He Won't Spend Time with Me
He Won't Spend Time with Me
Also: "She's Mothering Me!" "She Says I'm Not Romantic."
By Gary and Carrie Oliver
 1 of 3
Q. I think my husband is avoiding me. He spends all his time at work or with his friends. I asked him this morning if he'd like to do something with me on Sunday and he asked if he could get back to me because he didn't know what he had going on then. When he's home, he watches TV, gets on the internet, cooks, sleeps—anything but hang out with me.
A. You must be weary and feel frustrated and discouraged trying to get his attention! Healthy relationships require continuous cultivating and nourishing, but with time pressures, jobs, family, and other activities, it's easy for all of us, but especially men, to allow the tyranny of the "urgent" to crowd out what's important to the marriage.
Find a mutually good time, sit down with him, look him in the eye, and let him know how much you love him and desire a great marriage. Then both of you can share your perception of where your marriage is on a scale from 1-10 with 1 being horrible and 10 being ecstasy. Each of you can also share one thing you're willing to do and one thing you'd like your spouse to do that might take your relationship to the next level.
We don't know what's going on with your husband, and if his actions are significant. It could be simply that he's apathetic in the relationship and needs to be reminded that he really does enjoy you. You can encourage him and be with him on his terms for now. Or you two may have built some walls and he feels unsafe with you. Being a safe person to another means "accepting" him where he is, meeting him in his space.
Men are more open to their wives when they participate with them in activities they enjoy. If he's watching TV, sit in the room with him and watch but don't initiate a conversation. Often, with time, a spouse who seems as if he's rejecting you begins to enjoy your presence and starts to come out of his shell.
You didn't mention how your sexual relationship is, but that's a vital part of a healthy marriage. I (Carrie) and many women we've worked with have benefited greatly from learning more about male/female differences. What Could He Be Thinking? by Michael Gurian is a secular book that has great insights based in part on brain and other physiological research.
Find a few wise and godly women you can share your concerns with and who will commit to pray for you and with you. Ask God for wisdom, discernment, and patience, and realize that building safety and nourishing a relationship takes time, prayer, and love.
We'd really like to know what you think about this article! |
Is this the kind of article you'd like to see more of?
Is there a topic you'd like us to cover?
Please send your suggestions to |
Marriage Partnership
Home | Archives | Contact Us
 |
|
 |
|
|
|
|
Try 3 Issues of Christianity Today Free!
|
 |
|
Subscribe to Christianity Today and get 3 free trial issues. No credit card required.
Please allow 4-6 weeks for delivery. Offer valid in U.S. only.
If you decide you want to keep Christianity Today coming, honor your invoice for just $19.95 and receive nine more issues, a full year in all. If not, simply write "cancel" across the invoice and return it. The three trial issues are yours to keep, regardless.
|
|
|
|
|
|
 |
|
 |
| |
|
RSS Feed
