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This next part was the clincher. We'd get into bed, and I'd turn off the lamp. At that same moment, my mouth turned on. I'd rattle on and on about my day—things I'd thought about, things I'd hoped to cross off my to-do list, things I felt good about crossing off. Sometimes I'd even start talking about theological issues that the setting of a dark room seems to invite: "Brian, do you really think there were only two of each animal on Noah's ark?"

With all the patience he could muster, Brian would look at the clock and say, "Me Ra, I thought you didn't have much to say about your day. Where's all this coming from? I've got to go to sleep if I'm going to get up in five hours." Even though that was all true, it still made me angry.

Wasn't I the one who'd listened my best all through dinner and often an hour afterward? Why was it that whenever I was ready to talk about my day, he was too tired to listen? It didn't seem fair. And yet, no matter how unfair it was, this was the pattern we lived in—until one night I couldn't take it anymore.

I blurted out, "I'm sick of listening to you talk!" That was probably not the best way to start a problem-solving discussion.

Brian didn't know what to say; he simply looked at the floor. I knew he had a decision: he could say something hurtful or he could look beyond my statement to the deeper issues.

I was relieved when he chose the second option.

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