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Many women enjoy the sensuality of cuddling, kissing, and touching every bit as much as they enjoy the thrill of a climax. Women's sexual pleasure occurs on many levels other than simply orgasm.

Most men reach their sexual peak in their late teens or early twenties. Most women reach theirs a decade or more later. Often when a woman is in her thirties and forties her sexual desire becomes stronger, sometimes insatiable. And as a man ages, his emotional side increases. Through each stage, couples grow and learn more about each other and become more patient and sensitive to each other's needs. This is God's blessing to us, because it allows a couple's sex life greater longevity and duration.

So often couples feel the pressure to have "perfect" sex—complete with earthquake, fireworks, and multiple orgasms. Not every time you have sex will be a "bell ringer." And that's okay, because you're both connecting. Sometimes sex will be a quickie to meet the need of the moment. Sometimes it will be functional sex, or just because sex, when you think, I'm not in the mood, but my spouse needs me right now. Sometimes it may be comfort sex, when life has brought devastation and the only comfort and security is to be found in the arms of your spouse as a lover. You'll be ahead when you understand that the different kinds of sex point to the ultimate reason for sex: the relationship. The goal is not whether you end with a climax. The goal is that you're connecting as a couple.

Don't rush. In a sex survey we conducted recently, we asked women what they hated about sex. Rushed sex ranked number five. When you have a solid foundation and you've spent years growing together and discovering, then you want to have a lot of variety. But a woman who is repeatedly unsatisfied, who senses that her husband's pleasure always comes before hers, can feel used and empty. She wants to experience the whole spectrum of sex—the physical, emotional, spiritual, relational. We aren't saying rushed or quickie sex is wrong. But sex can't be rushed all the time. That would be like eating nothing but fast food. Going through the local fast food drive-through for a chili dog and onion rings every once in a while isn't a problem, but your health would suffer if you did it every meal. Make your goal pleasurable sex that satisfies both of you.

If you think you're going to have a quickie and your spouse is expecting a long, passionate encounter, both of you will probably end up frustrated. Clarify your expectations. Women need to prepare mentally for sex. If a wife knows she's headed for quickie sex, she can mentally prepare for that, including the realization that she may not climax. Most of the time she'll still enjoy it, even if she doesn't have the same outcome as her husband.

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