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4. Ask if your spouse is emotionally ready for you to make your request. For example, "Would this be a good night for me to make a request of you or would it be better to wait?" This respects the emotional state of your spouse and gives the right to select a more appropriate time.
   
   
5. Precede your request with at least three compliments. A husband might say, "Before I share my request, let me tell you how much I appreciate the fact that you cook good meals for the children and me. I really appreciate all the work you invest in doing that. Secondly, I want you to know how much I appreciate the fact that you take my shirts to the laundry each week. That's a real help to me. Thirdly, I want you to know how much I appreciate your involvement at church. It makes me feel good when I see you singing in the choir. Bottom line, I really like you. Now, here's my request. Would it be possible for you to get the hairs out of the sink before you leave the bathroom?"
   
   

Chances are that's the last time he will see a hair in the sink. His wife feels loved and appreciated. She's motivated to respond to his request.

Gary D. Chapman, Ph.D., author of The Chapman Guide to Negotiating Change with Your Spouse
(Tyndale House), has been married 45 years to Karolyn.

Copyright © 2007 by the author or Christianity Today International/Marriage Partnership magazine. Click here for reprint information on Marriage Partnership.

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