Home > Marriage > Spirituality > Peaks, Valleys, and Rails
Peaks, Valleys, and Rails
Maybe married life isn't just about reaching the mountaintops and avoiding the dark times.
by Marshall Shelley | posted 9/12/2008
 2 of 3
I understand her attitude, and I've shared it. The only difference is that I told myself, "I'm realistic enough to know you have to go down before you can go up again." But I still kept looking for the peak experiences, even if
I was willing to wait a bit.
But what if peaks and valleys aren't the best way to describe your married life? What if God didn't intend us just to endure down times so we could enjoy an occasional up?
A side-by-side view Rick Warren, pastor and author of The Purpose-Driven Life, made an observation a couple years ago that seems to describe the terrain of marriage. In a single year, his book reached the top of the best-seller lists and his wife was diagnosed with cancer. A mountaintop? A deep valley? Or something else?
"This past year has been the greatest year of my life," wrote Rick, "but also the toughest, with my wife, Kay, getting cancer. I used to think that life was hills and valleys—you go through a dark time, then you go to the mountaintop, back and forth.
"I don't believe that anymore. Rather than life being hills and valleys, I believe that it's kind of like two rails on a railroad track, and at all times you have something good and something bad in your life."
For a train to make progress, it's always in contact with both rails. Life rides parallel rails of blessing and adversity.
"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death," writes David in Psalm 23, "I will fear no evil, for you are with me." This songwriter of the Bible is describing a comfort and relationship that emerges only in the difficult times. In fact, the closeness of that relationship develops in the difficult times.
Likewise, as a marriage matures, we begin to notice that joy and difficulty aren't either/or. They coexist constantly.
"No matter how good things are in your life," writes Warren, "there is always something bad that needs to be worked on. And no matter how bad things are in your life, there is always something good you can thank God for."
SO maybe the purpose of marriage isn't about always looking for the next mountaintop.
Joy and difficulty are an odd combination, but much of life is lived seeking one and avoiding the other. I used to think they came one at a time, like alternating currents. Now I realize they're both present, all the time.
I'm developing eyes to see both simultaneously.
A peaceful coexistence
On our honeymoon, Susan and I chose the wrong day to spend at Busch Gardens in Tampa Bay, Florida. Shortly after we paid our admission and entered the park, a tropical storm moved in and dumped more than four inches of rain on us.
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