Sign up for our free newsletter:

 2 of 4

Sharon understood. She had her ghosts too. We talked the incident through, prayed over it together, and that particular ghost has never again launched a successful attack.

Unfortunately, that ghost wasn't alone. Recognizing ghosts and exorcising them from our relationship has become part of our lifestyle. For any remarriage to be successful, a couple has to chase, face, and displace as a team those unfriendly, unwanted visitors.

One of your most important weapons against ghost attacks is awareness. Unchecked mental triggers do the most damage when we don't recognize them for what they are. Sometimes we don't even know they exist until they blindside us, while there are other ghosts we can almost count on making appearances.

Facing your ghosts isn't for the faint of heart. It takes time, emotional energy, and a level of honesty that can be painful. Sometimes we have to admit to things we did wrong, problems where we were at fault either wholly or in part. For example, Sharon has experienced several ghosts related to her first husband's unfaithfulness. It would have been easy to say that their marriage failed because he cheated—but in facing her ghosts, she had to admit that she didn't always put as much work into the marriage as she could have, and reached a point where she felt things were as good as they'd get and quit trying to make them better.

Be sure to include your spouse in the process and share your awareness. In our marriage, whenever one of us experiences a mental trigger, we say, "It's okay. It's just a ghost." That tells the other to back off and let it pass, rather than inadvertently making the situation worse by trying to fix a problem the spouse didn't cause.

You might have ghosts you can't face alone. There's no shame in asking for help from a pastor, professional counselor, support group, or trusted friend. It's important to know you aren't the only person who's had to face that variety of ghost, whatever it may be.

After you become a seasoned ghost chaser, it's tempting to drop your guard if you haven't experienced one for a while. Tempting, yes; but the most hazardous thing we can do is to decide we've dealt with everything and no longer need to watch for those enemies. It doesn't matter how healthy you are, or how strong your relationship, it's still possible that there's a ghost waiting for the right time to spring a surprise attack.

In one church where Sharon and I started a divorce recovery ministry, two of our workers—both divorced—began dating. Both were mature Christians and thought they'd worked through their past. Both were, by the toughest standards, ready to be successfully remarried. When they finally did marry, we thought they'd be a shining testimony to God's healing power over the heartaches of divorce.

next page... |  2 of 4

				Try 3 Issues of Christianity Today Free! Name Street Address City/State/Zip E-mail Address Subscribe to Christianity Today and get 3 free trial issues. No credit card required. Please allow 4-6 weeks for delivery. Offer valid in U.S. only. If you decide you want to keep Christianity Today coming, honor your invoice for just $19.95 and receive nine more issues, a full year in all. If not, simply write "cancel" across the invoice and return it. The three trial issues are yours to keep, regardless.

RSS Feed   RSS Help