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Through the years, many of the conflicts I've heard in my counseling office have focused on money.

"I never know how much money we have because he won't let me see the checkbook." "All I ask is that she record the checks she writes. Balancing our checkbook is a nightmare." These are the kind of verbal spears couples throw at each other when they can't agree.

Most of our financial conflicts have nothing to do with how much money we have but rather our attitudes toward money and how we handle it. Here are some ways to make sure money is an asset rather than a liability to your marriage.

The first step is to get a biblical perspective. Jesus said,

"A man's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions" (Luke 12:15). Many couples fail to take Jesus' words seriously. Instead, they act on the belief that more money will solve their problems.

No amount of money will make life meaningful. Life's meaning is found in our relationships—first with God, then with our spouse and family, and finally with others.

When we allow money to overly influence our decisions, we're likely to make poor ones. I remember the husband who said, "I moved my family halfway across the country against my wife's wishes. My motivation was a $50,000 salary increase. Two years later, my daughter is into drugs and my son's joined a religious cult. I've spent more money trying to rescue them than my increased salary."

Money was designed to be our servant, never our master. It's to be used to build our marriage and family and to honor God. Getting a proper perspective on money is the first step to solving financial conflicts.

The second step relates to whether you handle money as partners or competitors. There's no room for competition in marriage; you and your mate are equal partners on the same team. Certainly one partner will need to pay the monthly bills and balance the bank statement. But this doesn't mean the bookkeeper controls the money. Together you must develop a plan for processing your finances. The bookkeeper simply follows the plan to which you've both agreed.

Consider the following plan: Give 10 percent of your net income to the causes of Christ. Save 10 percent for future needs. Use the remaining 80 percent to pay for housing, food, clothing, recreation.

Be sure to include some discretionary spending money for each partner so that neither has to ask for a dollar to buy a soda.

If either desires to make a purchase that goes beyond the budget, discuss it with each other, agree that it's a wise decision, and determine where the money will come from.

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