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"My Wife's Gynecologist Is A Man"
Also: "I Want to Orgasm!"
by Michael Sytsma and Debra Taylor | posted 9/12/2008
 2 of 2
Not being able to orgasm can be a lifelong problem or develop after a time of being able to reach orgasm. Many studies suggest that 1 in 10 women has never reached orgasm; 1 in 4 women reports orgasm difficulties at some time. Up to two-thirds of women cannot reach orgasm through sexual intercourse alone—there must be direct stimulation of the clitoris.
One other difficulty for women (and men) is the gigantic myth that orgasm involves being swept away in an all-consuming wave of passion, replete with moaning, screaming, thrashing, and writhing. Bells toll, the earth moves … you get the idea. The reality is that a woman's orgasmic response is learned through experience, experimentation, and self-awareness. Orgasms don't "just happen" for a woman who has no knowledge or awareness of her body, no matter how experienced, skilled, or incredible her lover is.
The good news is that you can learn.
First, consult with your physician. There are medical conditions that can affect orgasm (diabetes, hepatitis, kidney disease, ms, pituitary disease, stroke); many medications can inhibit or prevent orgasm (blood pressure meds, tranquilizers, antidepressants, sedatives, alcohol). There are also emotional reasons (anxiety or pressure from your partner, fear of losing control, feeling self-conscious) and relational reasons (anger toward your partner or control issues between you) for having orgasm difficulties.
Work through Restoring the Pleasure by Dr. Clifford and Joyce Penner or meet with a Christian sex therapist. This may be a time-consuming process, but it's definitely worth the investment!
Michael Sytsma, Ph.D., is a minister and founder of Building Intimate Marriages (www.intimatemarriage.org). Debra Taylor, MFT, is co-author of Secrets of Eve (Thomas Nelson). Both are certified Christian sex therapists and co-founders of Sexual Wholeness, Inc. (www.sexualwholeness.com).
Copyright © 2008 by the author or Christianity Today International/Marriage Partnership magazine. Click here for reprint information on Marriage Partnership.
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