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Positive & Negative Words
Why the 5-to-1 ratio works
By Peggy Bert | posted 9/12/2008
 2 of 2
Make a list. Write down at least 15 of your mate's positive qualities. (Add more weekly for four weeks.) How does your spouse make your life nicer? Does he or she: balance the checkbook? cut the grass? work diligently at their profession? grocery shop? spend time with the children? make you laugh?
Practice "the daily double." Say at least two positive things about your mate—to your mate—every day for the next seven days. Refrain from pointing out any negatives for at least one week. No negatives. Zip. Zero. (Yes, you can do this. The rewards will be worth it.)
Avoid interrupting your spouse. This may be more challenging for powerful personalities, and women may find this especially difficult because the female brain processes facts and emotions at the same time. More thoughts bounce around a woman's head that she wants to blurt out. If you fail, don't beat yourself up—just start over. Most people interrupt others in less than 20 seconds.
Compliment your spouse in front of others—including the children. Don't pour it on thick; keep it true and sincere. It's better, but not necessary, if your mate hears your praise. You're developing a habit.
Look for humor in any situation. Be quick to smile or laugh. A daily dose of humor, learning to laugh at ourselves, and laughing together lightens any load.
6. Express thanks and appreciation to your spouse, and to God, for his or her qualities and actions. Again, don't overdo it. Choose the right moment, speak softly, and look deeply into your mate's eyes.
Peggy Bert, a speaker and writer, has been married 43 years. www.PeggyBert.com
Copyright © 2008 by the author or Christianity Today International/Marriage Partnership magazine. Click here for reprint information on Marriage Partnership.
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