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—Erin and Mark Horaski, Washington, married 14 years

Are we arguing to resolve the conflict or win the fight? When we give an honest answer to that question, it helps us put the disagreement in perspective.

—Phyllis and Bob Schlageter, Indiana, married 29 years

From the beginning we viewed our marriage like a business partnership where each spouse brings a certain expertise. As in any good business, communication is a must. We also have to allow for growth, more in some areas than others depending on the season. We must be flexible to change—after all, life is a movement in the market of time, and changes will occur. So we have to expect the unexpected. These points aren't always easy to follow, but they work for us.

—David and Renée Steedly, Georgia, married 17 years

We're emotionally naked with each other. That kind of connection is built on trust, honesty, love, and effort—lots and lots of effort on both our parts. We don't believe in 50/50. We believe in 100/100.

—David and Ashley Hanson, Texas, married less than 1 year

Discover your spouse. Figure out what lights up his or her eyes and try to do something small every day to make that happen.

—Teresa and Mike Eastwood, Washington, married 3 years

We've learned to joyfully do the things the other doesn't enjoy doing. She makes dinner; I do the full clean up. I take care of car maintenance; she cleans the house. We share most things without needing to keep a tally of who did what.

—Bill and Carolyn Norris, British Columbia, Canada, married 30 years

Make your mate's needs your complete focus. Since this is a two-way street, your mate will be meeting your needs as you are meeting his or hers. It takes dedication, but the rewards are overwhelming.

—Michael and Jeanne Berry, Washington, married 30 years

We have a few code phrases for when things start to get tense. They never fail to make us laugh at ourselves and remember we're in this by choice. Things such as, "Making diamonds, honey?" which means, You're being really uptight! Or "Be like a duck, honey"—let it roll off your back.

—Joe and Jaylene Lynch, Washington, married 5 years

Make your spouse your number one priority—even before yourself!

—Carm and Michelle Fenech, Malta, married 28 years

When we had kids, we realized we weren't spending as much time together because we couldn't afford to get out as much. We established Thursday nights as on-the-couch date nights. After we put our three kids to bed, we eye each other and break into a huge grin. We put on our comfies, make popcorn, and cozy up on the couch to watch our favorite tv shows.

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