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Sex and Baseball
It took my wife's orgasm analogy for me finally to hit a homerun
Ryan Barnhart
 1 of 3
To me, life seems simple. Not necessarily in this order, I enjoy sports, traveling, reading, and having sex with my wife.
My wife, on the other hand, is more complex. She loves to talk about little details and only watches sports when I make her.
So when she approached me less than a month after our marriage and used sex and baseball in the same sentence, I knew this was a detail I should probably listen to.
Over breakfast, my wife said, "Picture this: You have a friend named George, and money is no object to George. George really likes baseball. George likes baseball so much that he'll watch any kind of game from professional to little league. George knows that you like the Kansas City Royals and he invites you to Royals games across the country all the time. You often fly in his private jet to the games.
"One day George invites you to the Royals game in Miami, and you're excited to go. But after George picks you up, you notice that George isn't driving to the airport. Instead, he takes you to a little league baseball field and informs you that he wants to watch a little league game in Texas instead of the Royals in Miami. How would you feel?"
"Well," I said, "I'd probably be mad at George and tell him to drop me off at a sports bar on the way to the little league game."
I'm not a brilliant man, but I did begin to comprehend that there was something more to the story that she wasn't telling me. For one, she rarely talks about sports. And two, the Royals weren't playing in Texas, where we live, for another month, so I knew she wasn't trying to surprise me with tickets. I didn't have a clue where her story was going.
"I wanted to tell you that I didn't get to go the Royals game last night," she said.
"Huh?" I said. "It's the all-star break. No one went to a Royals game last night."
"When we had sex—I didn't get to go to the Royals game. The disappointment you would have felt if your friend wouldn't have taken you to the big game is the same kind of disappointment I felt last night."
"Oh." I understood.
The Kansas City Royals have been referred to as the laughingstock of baseball, and used as a punch-line in the movie Fever Pitch, but this was probably the first time in Royals' history that they'd been referred to as an orgasm.
"Sex isn't very fun when I don't get to go to the Royals game," added my wife. "Why go to any game if we don't go to the Royals game?"
Her point was received. Figuratively speaking, I like Royals games. But I also like little league games because for a man, they're about the same. But from that day forward I determined to make sure I took her to home plate at a Royals game. I would even give her a front row seat.
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