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An Uncommonly Great Cure for the Common Cold
Want the greatest news since the invention of Kleenex? Sex can help a cold!

According to Bottom Line Personal, adrenaline released during sex narrows dilated blood vessels—the same effect produced by taking a decongestant. We're all fairly well acquainted with some of the great feelings that follow sex. Well, here are two more: you'll temporarily feel less congested and you'll have a sense that your cold is getting better. So turn off the TV, get out of that ratty old bathrobe and slip into something—ahem—more comfortable.

Deck the Halls, Not Your In-Laws
If the holidays tend to magnify the friction in your family relationships, here's some timely advice to help you keep the peace this holiday season.

Reality check
Are they really worse than usual at the holidays, or is the stress of the season leaving you less tolerant of them?

Look for the good
What part of being with your in-laws is positive for you and your spouse? Plan for that.

Change the tradition
Don't feel locked in. You can change a pattern you've started. Just keep your spouse's feelings in mind, and your in-laws', too.

Plan ahead
If you're going to make changes, give everybody advance warning—and time to adjust to the idea. And maybe your spouse should be the one to deliver the news.

Pray
Ask God to give you grace in responding to your in-laws and to give you his love for them.

Pass Me Another Cup o' Joe We've all heard good reasons to cut down on caffeine intake—the artificial highs and nervous-system crashes. But Mirabella magazine cites a study that shows senior citizens who drink coffee are far more likely to have regular sex than their peers who don't. Now that's some good news. If you don't drink coffee, don't worry. There are other sources of caffeine. For instance, have a Coke—and a smile. 1440 number of minutes in a day 81 average number of minutes men spend in the car each day 64 average number of minutes women spend behind the wheel each day 4 average number of minutes per day American married couples spend in meaningful conversation Sources: American Demographics, New Man Who Wears the Pants? Former British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher is married to a business executive named Denis Thatcher. A Catholic Digest story explains that when the Thatchers moved into 10 Downing Street, a reporter asked Denis, "Who wears the pants in this house?" "I do," he replied. "I also wash and iron them!" No wonder Margaret loves the guy.

Twila's Gift-Giving Secrets Twila Paris has a long history of successes in the music industry with her award-winning worship songs—17 years and counting. At home with her husband, Jack Wright, Twila has found married success, too—13 years and counting. In those years of marriage, there have been plenty of birthdays and Christmases. Twila talks about her favorite gifts. On her best gift to Jack: Definitely the five-pound lobster I special-ordered from a local restaurant to surprise him. Normally you can only order lobsters up to about two pounds. It was at least two feet long and hung off both ends of my largest serving platter. He really loves lobster. He ate the whole thing! Meanwhile, I was eating a two-and-a-half pound lobster. On his best gift to Twila: When we first got married, we had a used studio piano and there was always something wrong with it—notes that would play twangy. One day I was writing a song, and Jack called down from his office upstairs, "That's it! We're getting a new piano." It was a big splurge at the time. We ordered a seven-foot grand piano from Japan. We were on the road when it arrived, but Jack arranged with my sister to meet the delivery and set it up for me. I arrived home late at night, and there it was—with a huge red bow on it. I still have it—and always will, I think.

C'mon Get Happy!
Got the not-enough-daylight-hours wintertime blues? Here are a few ways Health magazine recommends to perk up your smile quotient.

Be sociable
People laugh 30 times more often in a social setting than they do alone.

Try something new
Do something you've never done before or something you're not particularly good at. If you and your mate do it together, you'll get twice the laughs!

Don't be lazy
A sence of humor takes effort. Instead of getting straight to a point, wisecrack and have some fun along the way.

Share the joke
When you hear or read something funny, share it with your spouse. If you're together and something cracks you up, remind each other in a phone message or e-mail the next day.

Offensive Bedroom Scenes by Jim Killam
Lately I've been trying to determine exactly when I lost the battle for the bedroom. I think it had something to do with "window treatments."

Window treatments. That's not a term you'd ever hear Clint Eastwood utter. Our bedroom has them, in the form of mini-blinds underneath poofy, flowery valances that match our poofy, flowery bedspread. Several silk floral arrangements highlight the room.

When we tidy up for company, my wife puts teddy bears—teddy bears!—on our bed. And they're wearing dresses. The worst part is, I don't mind the way the room looks. Well, except for those poor bears.

I'm afraid I've been brainwashed. In the course of 20 years, I've gone from my singles bedroom motif of World War II model airplanes, bowling trophies and Chicago Cubs posters to a married person's bedroom full of floral arrangements, cross-dressed teddy bears and window treatments.

Magazines are to blame. You know—the ones that give interior decorating hints for owners of museum-quality houses where the husband and children apparently live in a tool shed out back. Women buy and read these magazines. So naturally, you'll see plenty of feminine childhood relics like teddy bears, but not one Nerf basketball hoop.

Recently I suggested to my wife that the teddy bears might be a bit much. She reluctantly put the bears back in the closet (figuratively and literally).

That bit of success made me wonder: why can't a bedroom that's 50 percent male-inhabited reflect that in its decor? Why is guy-oriented stuff relegated to the basement, while the room where we spend a third of our lives looks like Polly's Parlor of Potpourri?

Guys, I'm proposing a "Take Back the Bedroom" revolt. The room doesn't have to look like a football stadium, of course, but why not achieve gender equity? For every lace pillowcase, we counter with a framed photo of Dick Butkus. For every floral window treatment, a set of pro-wrestling decals. For every teddy bear in a dress, a diorama depicting a scene from "Spartacus."

I predict that our wives will welcome our newfound flair for tasteful decorating. In fact, this small step could very well signal a new way of helping them understand our needs in the bedroom.

You go first.

his & hers No couple who marries is ever compatible. It's a lifelong process of becoming compatible. H. Norman Wright Success in marriage depends on being able,  when you get over being in love, to really love. Eleanor Roosevelt Making Faces Leave it to scientists to take something as simple as a smile and make it complicated. The smile, the most recognizable signal of happiness in the world (it's visible from a distance equal to the length of a football field), actually has 19 documented versions. The two most popular, according to Psychology Today, are the "felt smile" and the "polite smile." The felt smile is the one you shine on when the one you love has just walked in the door—your whole face lights up; the smile reaches your eyes. The polite smile is the ends-of-the-lips- turned-up smile the salesgirl gives you as she says, "Have a nice day." So smile at the one you love—and feel it!

Reader to Reader A MARRIAGE PARTNERSHIP READER WANTED TO KNOW HOW OTHER COUPLES KEEP THE SPARK ALIVE ON A SHOESTRING BUDGET. SO WE ASKED YOU, AND HERE ARE A FEW OF YOUR GREAT IDEAS. Picture More Romance Buy a disposable camera and spend an afternoon finding interesting places to be photographed. Ask passersby to take your picture. The settings can be scenic, or romantic, or just funny. Then, when you get the film processed, spend a date night putting the pictures into a scrapbook. Tammy Phelps, Nashville, Tennessee You Big Flirt! Don't forget to flirt a little. And do it every day. Christian Todd, Wheaton, Illinois Romance Co-op Several couples in our church trade babysitting and use the free time to go out for coffee or to a bargain matinee, to have dinner (we use two-for-one coupons), to usher for a play, symphony or ballet (tickets are usually free for ushers), or to visit a museum or special exhibit. Liz Strongman, Seattle, Washington Puppy Love Though scooping poop out of dog kennels and flea-bathing cats might not be everyone's idea of romance, my husband and I have our best times together volunteering at the local humane society. We both share a love of animals, and our time together at the shelter not only tightens our bond (for free!), but it helps homeless animals along the way. Ingrid Ramos, Elmhurst, Illinois Love on a Broken Shoestring My husband and I live on half a shoestring! But we set aside two or three nights each month as date nights. After putting the kids to bed, we have popcorn on the back porch, write love letters to each other, play chess or cards, watch a video (free from the library) snuggled up on the couch with a cup of tea or cocoa, or give each other a massage. Most of our dates cost no money, and we always end up feeling closer. Sandy Weiers, Vineland, New Jersey The Great Babysitter Swap We swap child care with another couple from church. Not only are we blessed with more time alone together, but the kids also have a great time with one another. We use date nights to ride bikes, take a walk in the park, go to the library or a local bookstore, or spend a quiet, candle-lit evening at home. Gwena L. Chavez, Fort Wayne, Indiana

THE NEXT READER TO READER QUESTION:
"MY HUSBAND AND I TALK, BUT I FEEL LIKE HE NEVER REALLY UNDERSTANDS WHAT I'M SAYING ON THE DEEPR LEVEL THAT I LONG FOR. HOW DO I GET HIM TO REALLY LISTEN TO ME?" SHANNON

Send your advice (200 words or less) to Reader to Reader, MARRIAGE PARTNERSHIP, 465 Gundersen Drive, Carol Stream, Illinois 60188; FAX us at 630-260-0114; or e-mail us at mp@marriagepartnership.com. We'll publish readers' advice in a future Reader to Reader column.

Copyright © 1998 by the author or Christianity Today International/Marriage Partnership magazine. For reprint information call 630-260-6200 or e-mail mp@marriagepartnership.com.
Winter 1998, Vol. 15, No. 4, Page 10

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