Home > Marriage > He Said … She Said …
Marriage Partnership, Fall 1999
he said
'My junk inspires
me'
she said
'His junk infuriates
me'
Greg's Side
Ever since I collected baseball cards and old coins as a kid, I've been
a saver. Today, stacks of journals and periodicals clutter my desk. In fact,
every available flat surface in my den holds some memorabilia: trophies,
figurines, bookends. The walls are covered with photos, artwork and plaques.
This museum of memories surrounds me with emotional warmth and security and
fuels my creativity.
Before Wendy and I got married, she knew how I decorated my home. And she
must have known that the organized clutter that comprised my bachelor pad
wouldn't be jettisoned once we were married.
Wendy's idea of a perfect home is one that is utilitarian, easily cleaned
and tidy. I do appreciate her penchant for keeping order; our home is always
company ready. But we clash over the definition of "neat and tidy."
Every time she enters my trinket-filled hideaway with dust mitt in hand,
it's the low point of her week—and mine. (I've offered to vacuum
and dust, but Wendy insists I'm not thorough enough.) The final straw
came when I couldn't find an important document on my desk after she
had cleaned. "I don't want my messes messed with," I yelled. "I'd
rather live with dust I cannot see than paper I cannot find."
She laughed, but I didn't find it amusing. I couldn't believe how
often we came to verbal blows over my stuff.
Wendy's Side
I grew up on the mission field, where my parents celebrated the twin virtues
of simplicity and order. Because we didn't have money for nonessentials
(and little space for what we did need), we made the most out of very little
room. What couldn't fit on a bookshelf or in a cupboard was tossed out
or given away.
When I met Greg I was attracted to his creativity. He viewed people and things
from a refreshingly different perspective. I should have known that his
insistence on turning life on its side meant there would be other things
he wouldn't store in their appropriate places. What I hadn't bargained
for was all the baggage you claim when you marry a creative soul. The treasures
he brings home from thrift stores and garage sales are enough to drive me
mad.
In addition to not wanting "stuff" on every horizontal surface, I have a
real problem with second-hand items. As a kid I had to dip into the missionary
barrel for recycled clothes and toys more often than I'd like to recall.
So when Greg comes home with other peoples' rejects I want to scream.
It all came to a head when Greg admitted that on Wednesday mornings (garbage
day) he was stopping on the way home from taking our girls to school to rummage
through our neighbors' trash. I didn't want any more junk. And
I was mortified that a neighbor might notice Greg sorting through their garbage.
What Greg and Wendy
Did
The Asimakoupouloses still don't always see eye-to-eye on the appropriate
use of domestic space. But since they are committed to submitting to each
other, they have agreed to define "orderliness" more loosely.
Wendy gives Greg the freedom to arrange his den the way he wants. She recognizes
that he needs to be surrounded by symbols of his eclectic world. But she
still shakes her head when she attempts to dust all his stuff.
Recently, Greg's propensity to save things came in handy. Their middle
daughter had a school assignment that related to old postage stamps. As Greg
pulled out file upon file of old correspondence, Wendy helped trim the stamps
from the yellowed envelopes. Wendy also enjoys the custom greeting cards
Greg creates from materials accumulated in his writing room.
The Asimakoupouloses also worked out an agreement regarding garage sales.
Greg loves finding stuff, but he also enjoys the atmosphere associated with
the sales. So Wendy suggested he feed his habit in reverse by selling stuff
at their own garage sales. In anticipation of holding his own sale, Greg
weeded out "nonessentials" from his trove of recycled treasures.
Another way they have minimized their clutter conflict is by decorating for
holidays. Greg and Wendy put up decorations on Valentine's Day, Presidents
Day, St. Patrick's Day, Easter, the Fourth of July, Columbus Day, Halloween
and Thanksgiving as well as Christmas. They even use special events like
birthdays, anniversaries, the Super Bowl and the World Series as occasions
for creating a thematic display on the fireplace mantel. Greg is in heaven
when he can invade Wendy's spartan space with what they agree is acceptable
clutter.
Aside from holiday decorations, Greg honors Wendy's need for open space.
When company is expected, he moves boxes of stuff from his den to the basement
to create more room. Plus, there's less new stuff. Greg doesn't
frequent the Salvation Army or Goodwill stores as often as he used to. And
on weekends, he's more apt to go for a walk with Wendy than drive to
a yard sale.
by Greg and Wendy Asimakoupoulos
Copyright © 1999 by the author or Christianity Today International/Marriage
Partnership magazine. Click here
for reprint information on Marriage Partnership.
Fall 1999, Vol. 16, No. 3, Page 24
Marriage Partnership
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