Going Deeper
There's much more to Natalie Grant than a big voice and great looks.
by Mark Moring | posted 10/13/2003
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She's got the looks. She's got the voice. She's got the record deal. But Natalie Grant didn't always have the confidence. Her most recent CD, Deeper Life (Curb), gave us a closer look at the woman behind the beautiful pictures and electrifying voice. But a recent conversation revealed even more—a woman who once had such a low self-image that she developed an eating disorder. Here's her story.
You've said Deeper Life represents you better than your previous CDs. Tell me more.
Natalie Grant: It totally exemplifies who I am as an artist. My first two records did not show who I was. I felt squelched on my first record, because I was young and didn't know better. I didn't think I could write songs; I just kind of looked at myself as a singer. But I feel like God has made me more than just a singer, he made me an artist. So now I'm doing more songwriting. I feel like the songs on Deeper Life are just a lot better and will connect with people in a more tangible way than previous material.
Name one of the songs that really accomplished that.
Grant: "Good for Today." I wrote that from a personal experience, at a time when things were so out of control. My schedule was out of control. I hadn't seen my husband in 50 days. I felt like everybody else was controlling what I was doing. I wondered, What's it all for? So I can look pretty on a cover and sell records? That's not what I wanted my life to be about. I was reminded that most of us are constantly concerned with two things—our past and our future. Our past continually shapes us, but God's mercies are new every morning, so we don't have to live in the past. And we don't have to focus so hard on the future. For me, that means I'm going to choose to live my life for today—for this moment, right here, right now. Whatever I do with today can be the legacy that I leave.
Have you always been that way?
Grant: No. When I was 19, I struggled with my self-image and an eating disorder. I was at a Bible college, and I got engaged to a boy everybody loved. He literally drove on campus in a red sports car. All the girls liked him and somehow, he chose me. I thought I could never break up with him because everybody would think I was crazy—even though he treated me badly. He didn't love me for who I am. He said horrible things to me. He would see a magazine cover and he'd be like, "That's what I think is beautiful." One of my teeth was crooked and he paid for me to have braces, because he wanted my teeth to be perfect. It was just one of those very unhealthy relationships. To try to please him, I developed bulimia. I thought of it like an easy diet plan, because you ate and then you just lost weight. It helped me feel like this was an area where I was in control, instead of my boyfriend—but actually, I was out of control. I would just talk myself out of thinking I had a problem: Well, I'm not really getting sick. I'm just throwing up my food. That doesn't hurt you. But it did. That continued for about two years.
How did it stop?
Grant: My family confronted me. One day my three sisters and my brother knocked on my door and said, "We need to talk to you." They gave me a bunch of books about bulimia. They were like, "We know you have a problem. You might think nobody knows, but we know." They were so direct with me, but without condemning me. I was embarrassed and ashamed, but God used that to help get me on a path to healing. My sister took me to get a physical and to talk to a doctor. And then they took me to my youth pastor and made me tell him about it. They made me admit out loud that I had a problem. That made all the difference in the world, having a support network of people around me.
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