There's much more to Natalie Grant than a big voice and great looks.

She's got the looks. She's got the voice. She's got the record deal. But Natalie Grant didn't always have the confidence. Her most recent CD, Deeper Life (Curb), gave us a closer look at the woman behind the beautiful pictures and electrifying voice. But a recent conversation revealed even more—a woman who once had such a low self-image that she developed an eating disorder. Here's her story.

You've said Deeper Life represents you better than your previous CDs. Tell me more.

Natalie Grant: It totally exemplifies who I am as an artist. My first two records did not show who I was. I felt squelched on my first record, because I was young and didn't know better. I didn't think I could write songs; I just kind of looked at myself as a singer. But I feel like God has made me more than just a singer, he made me an artist. So now I'm doing more songwriting. I feel like the songs on Deeper Life are just a lot better and will connect with people in a more tangible way than previous material.

Name one of the songs that really accomplished that.

Grant: "Good for Today." I wrote that from a personal experience, at a time when things were so out of control. My schedule was out of control. I hadn't seen my husband in 50 days. I felt like everybody else was controlling what I was doing. I wondered, What's it all for? So I can look pretty on a cover and sell records? That's not what I wanted my life to be about. I was reminded that most of us are constantly concerned with two things—our past and our future. Our past continually shapes us, but God's mercies are new every morning, so we don't have to live in the past. And we don't have to focus so hard on the future. For me, that means I'm going to choose to live my life for today—for this moment, right here, right now. Whatever I do with today can be the legacy that I leave.

Have you always been that way?

Grant: No. When I was 19, I struggled with my self-image and an eating disorder. I was at a Bible college, and I got engaged to a boy everybody loved. He literally drove on campus in a red sports car. All the girls liked him and somehow, he chose me. I thought I could never break up with him because everybody would think I was crazy—even though he treated me badly. He didn't love me for who I am. He said horrible things to me. He would see a magazine cover and he'd be like, "That's what I think is beautiful." One of my teeth was crooked and he paid for me to have braces, because he wanted my teeth to be perfect. It was just one of those very unhealthy relationships. To try to please him, I developed bulimia. I thought of it like an easy diet plan, because you ate and then you just lost weight. It helped me feel like this was an area where I was in control, instead of my boyfriend—but actually, I was out of control. I would just talk myself out of thinking I had a problem: Well, I'm not really getting sick. I'm just throwing up my food. That doesn't hurt you. But it did. That continued for about two years.

How did it stop?

Grant: My family confronted me. One day my three sisters and my brother knocked on my door and said, "We need to talk to you." They gave me a bunch of books about bulimia. They were like, "We know you have a problem. You might think nobody knows, but we know." They were so direct with me, but without condemning me. I was embarrassed and ashamed, but God used that to help get me on a path to healing. My sister took me to get a physical and to talk to a doctor. And then they took me to my youth pastor and made me tell him about it. They made me admit out loud that I had a problem. That made all the difference in the world, having a support network of people around me.

Also, the doctor told me if I kept throwing up on purpose, I would ruin my voice. Once I heard that, it was like I'd rather sing and be chubby than be skinny and not sing. And then I dumped the guy.

So, you realized he was part of the problem?

Grant: I think it was one of those moments like the light bulb came on. I just woke up one day and I was like, This is not what God intended for my life. He did not intend for me to marry somebody who wouldn't even sit in the room when I was singing in church because he hated me being in public and on stage. That night, [the vocal group] Truth came in concert in my home church in Seattle. I looked at that stage and I thought, I'm going to audition, and I'm going to get on that tour bus and go sing with them. I auditioned, and I made it. I told my fiancé, "I can't marry you because it is not what God intended for my life." And I got on that bus, and my life absolutely changed from that moment. I traveled with Truth for two years, and God used that to change my whole direction in life.

Did you ever struggle with your eating disorder again?

Grant: Yes, even though I've never done it again. It's like I'm talking about an alcoholic, in the sense that I don't think you're ever fully delivered from that. I don't struggle with doing it at all, because I've matured past that, with the help of the Lord and my family and others. But I don't think I'm ever going to be one of those people who says, "God fully delivered me and now life is awesome and I don't ever even think about it," because that's not honest. Honestly, there's always that thought in your mind that says, "Gosh, it would be easy to lose five pounds for my next photo shoot." But I don't do it. I don't give in.

What has God taught you through all this?

Grant: The first thing is that it's important to base our self-image in the Word of God. There are many Scriptures that tell us to focus on our inward beauty.

I saw something on MTV one time when they asked Usher what men think is sexy in a woman. They asked him, "What do you think is the sexiest thing a woman can wear?" And he said, "Confidence." That blew my mind, because I expected him to say something about skimpy clothes or about a woman's body. But he talked about how confidence affects everything else. And that's so true. For me, that confidence comes through knowing Christ and what he has created me to be. Self-assurance doesn't come from being arrogant or thinking I've got life figured out. It comes from truly understanding who I am as a child of the king.

To read more about Natalie Grant visit her artist page, where you will also find previous interviews and reviews of her albums, including her latest, Deeper Life. You can listen to song clips and purchase Natalie's music at ChristianBook.com.

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