Former "American Idol" finalist RJ Helton, sexually abused as a child, finds healing. Now he hopes to help others by building a home for abused children.

Life's pretty sweet for RJ Helton these days.

After getting his big break as an "American Idol" finalist during the show's first season, Helton appeared in several Old Navy commercials and was courted by record labels, modeling agencies and film studios. He recently signed with GospoCentric's B-Rite Records label, and will release his first album in early 2004.

But life hasn't always been so kind to Helton. In a recent conversation with Campus Life magazine, Helton spoke about a painful childhood memory and his path toward healing.

"I was sexually abused by a close family friend when I was around 7 years old," Helton says. "I was so young when it happened, and so confused by it. I didn't tell anyone about it.

"And then, in my junior year of high school, it just hit me. I slumped into a huge depression and contemplated suicide."

Helton, who was raised in a Southern Baptist home and made a decision to follow Christ at a young age, says he was consumed by his emotions. At 17, he began questioning everything-including his faith.

"I was angry at God, and I was confused and didn't understand why this had happened," he says. "My whole thought back then was, 'If God is so powerful and so mighty and a healer, then why am I hurting so bad?'"

His pain didn't go unnoticed for long. Usually energetic and outgoing, Helton had suddenly shunned his high school friends and become withdrawn, often isolating himself in his room. When Helton's mom confronted him about the changes in his personality and behavior, he broke down and told her the painful secret.

"My mom just kept apologizing to me," he remembers. "I think parents blame themselves when things like that happen to their children. But how was she to know this could happen?"

Finding healing

A Christian counselor helped Helton work through his feelings, especially his spiritual questioning. During that time, Helton says he became extremely honest with himself and with God.

"Part of my healing process was breaking down and screaming and yelling and crying and being angry and being sad," he says. "I went through lots and lots of emotions. Amazingly enough, God brought me through that. It was weird when things settled down for me and I could just breathe again."

But Helton was still struggling to forgive his perpetrator. Two years ago, he shared his story with a close Christian friend.

"My friend really coached me through the process of forgiveness," he says. "He helped me find verses and pray about it and overcome that anger. And I forgave (the perpetrator) at that time. That was very, very difficult, but it really does help in the healing process when you have someone to talk to, whether it's a counselor or a close friend. It definitely was a vital part of my healing."

The experience of being helped by other Christians fueled a lifelong dream: to establish a home for abused children. Helton hopes to use his newfound fame to raise money for this effort and to speak out about the issue of child abuse.

"I knew I wanted to do that when I was 8," says Helton, now 22. "Abuse can take away your pride and integrity and your identity, and it can make you an angry, bitter person. I want to show kids who have been through this that they are amazing, precious children of God."

Helton is currently working on a song about forgiveness, based on his own experiences, for his upcoming CD. For more on RJ Helton, go to www.rjheltononline.com.

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