A committed Christian since she was 4, Sara Groves never rebelled, never doubted, never questioned her faith—till a few years ago. She'd turned 30, started having kids, and was worn out by a demanding schedule. Suddenly, she started asking God questions, prompted by concerns for her family's welfare. The normally docile Groves put on her boxing gloves and met God in the ring. She was, like Job and Jeremiah and Paul before her, ready for the divine fight of her life. And she came on the other side as winner. But the other side of what, exactly? That's what Groves asks on her new CD, The Other Side of Something (INO), a menu of marvelous stories and music borne out of those trials and uncertainties. Co-produced by Nate Sabin and Charlie Peacock, the new disc explores Groves' recent journeys—including bouts with God, with herself, and even what she calls "a humdinger" with her husband Troy.

OK, the other side of what, exactly?

Sara Groves: I told Charlie [Peacock], "I'm on the other side of something. I don't know what it is, but I feel like I'll have to live a little bit longer, and then I'll look back and know what it was." These last three years have included a lot of wrestling and questions in my heart. I told Charlie, "I'm coming out of this thing," and he said, "You need to write that song." It ended up being "Compelled," one of my favorite songs on the album because it documents such a real event in my life. The whole album is really documenting a spiritual journey I've been on.

What kind of journey?

Groves: I never had a rebellious teenager time. I was always on fire for the Lord. But I think I hit my rebellion around my 30th birthday. And a 30-year-old rebellion looks a lot different than a 16-year-old rebellion. But it was a rebellion nonetheless.

What does it look like?

Groves: I think it started when Kirby was born [Sara & Troy's first child, born August 2000]. I had told the Lord, "Whatever, wherever—take me, make me, break me." But when Kirby was born, it became impossible to say, "Take him, make him, break him." I began looking at the Lord with a lot of distrust; that was really at the heart of it. On top of all that, we had an unbelievable touring schedule. I was tired. All my gauges were on empty. So it gets hard to fight the good fight when you're just so beat up.

It got to the point where I told a girlfriend, "If something happened to Kirby while we're on the road doing this—which I feel is God's call on my life—I don't know if my faith would survive that." I had a friend who'd just lost a baby, and another friend who'd had three miscarriages. There was all this loss around me. I started thinking about Job: What the heck is happening in that story? I said to the Lord, "Why would you take the man's family?" I was just feeling very unprotected, like, Who's looking out for me?

Sounds like you were near the end of your rope.

Groves: I didn't want to be Frodo any more; I didn't want any part of the battle between good and evil. I just wanted to go and work, to be a normal person. I didn't want to feel like I have a call on my life. I didn't want to feel everything so deeply. I didn't want to have to ask the bigger questions. I've always said, "Lord, I don't understand it, but I trust you." But for the first time I was saying, "I don't understand it, and I want to know why. I'm not going to just take your word for it anymore." There's a song on the new album called "The Boxer," where I say to the Lord, "When you said this was a fight, you weren't kidding."

What prompted that question?

Groves: I had just come on the bus after fighting my way through a concert that didn't go real well. I was asking, "What am I doing this for? What are we all doing? The Christians in my life don't look any different than the rest of the world. Have we just created this little subculture? Do we really believe this stuff? And how is it changing us?" I was feeling discouraged and wondering if I needed to quit.

Would you say you were having a crisis of faith?

Groves: No, that's not the right term. I never doubted that God exists. I just wondered about his intentions toward me. I wondered what his love looked like, because if he was "loving" Job, I wasn't sure I wanted to be loved. I think at the heart of it, I was trying to swallow the sovereignty pill, and it just took me a while to choke it down. At one point in all of our lives, we are faced with the fact that God is sovereign. He is in control. And when you really understand what that means for Job—and for Jeremiah, David, Paul and Peter—well, that's not an easy road. I wanted answers.

I'm the kind of person who just can't let something go. And yet the whole time I was going through this, I felt like God was saying, "Bring it on. I'm bigger than that."

I'm a lot like Jeremiah. He says, "Lord, I wish I could never speak your name again. Every time I do your work, I get beat up" [Jer. 20:7-10]. But then he says, "But your word is like fire shut up in my bones and I try to hold it in, but indeed I cannot." That's what the song "Compelled" is about. That's what the song "Jeremiah" is about. I came out of this whole rebellion saying I can't just walk away.

I'm compelled to do the right thing. The Word of God is like fire in my bones, and I can't walk away from it. I truly am marked by Christ, and I can't quit fighting. Even when I try to walk away and say I'm tired of the ring, I am Frodo. And I don't think I'll ever be done fighting. I am throwing punches.

But you also thought about throwing in the towel.

Groves: Yes. I almost quit doing music. I felt really defeated. It was December of '02, and I was five months pregnant [with Toby, born last May]. We got off the road and spent much of the year at home. It was a great healing time for Troy and me. There were times when I said, "That's it. I'm done." Then I'd get back on board, and then Troy would feel like quitting. Finally, we both came together and said, "We feel called to do this. We just have yet to do it in balance." And it's not just us. I look at all of our friends and the husbands going to work and the wives either working or staying at home and deciding about homeschool and public school. We're all fighting the good fight, and we're all quitting and then picking it back up again.

You know, I've "quit" this thing several times over the last six years. But I guess that's the point of this whole new album: God isn't letting us go. He is doing a good work in us, and he is going to complete it. And I finally just kind of woke up and understood what that meant—the joy and the freedom in that. I'm not just slugging it out by myself, and I'm not just trying to hold onto Christ. He's holding onto me, and he is working on my behalf. I feel that now. This is just one more season in a hundred seasons that I've been through and will go through to come. This album is just marking one of the more dramatic seasons.

Since we're talking about fighting, "Roll to the Middle" is about a fight with Troy. Why be so vulnerable and put that on an album?

Groves: It is a very vulnerable song. It's about conflict resolution—and, really, about pride. I don't think you'll find a more volatile situation than a married couple. We can either speak life like the song "Fly" [on Groves' last CD, All Right Here], or we can say the meanest things. I'm glad to say that Troy and I don't fight a lot. But we had just had a real humdinger, and I went to the piano room just furious. And I wrote this song in about five minutes …

Do you remember what the fight was about?

Groves: Yeah, but I'm not going to say. But we really went for the throat. I came in the piano room and everything in me is like, "All right, that's it. I'll start separating myself out here within this marriage." But I went to the piano and the song just poured out.

The point of the song is that pride complicates and humility simplifies. It's always simple when you humble yourself. However impossible the whole thing felt, when you walk in humility it becomes very clear and simple: "I love you, and I'm so sorry I said that. Please forgive me." Troy came in and said, "I didn't mean that. I'm frustrated about this over here, but I said things I don't mean. I was just pushing your buttons." And I said, "I'm so sorry. I said horrible things." Then I said, "I want to play you this song." In a real cheesy way, it was part of our healing. And Troy said, "That song is going to minister to other couples." I wasn't so sure I wanted other people to hear it, but this is one way Troy's really good. He doesn't care what people think about him. If it's a true song, he says, "Go do it." It's interesting, because my own parents have heard the song and said, "Thank you for that song." They've done that for years—had fights, but determined to make up, to roll to the middle of the bed and forgive one another.

Sounds like the theme of this album: A journey of fighting, forgiving, forging ahead —and trusting God, no matter what.

Groves: Yes. That's what I want this album to say. I don't understand God. He is sovereign. He calls us to do hard things. It's a fight. Sometimes it's hard to shed that old skin. We feel beat up. We fight in our marriage. We put on costumes that don't work. We do all these things, but in the end, God has us in his hand and he's not going to let us go. And it is good to serve him. It is good to do the work of the Lord.

For more about Sara Groves and her music, visit our artist page, where you'll find previous interviews and reviews, including her latest, The Other Side of Something. Also be sure to check out the audio devotionals on the page. To listen to sound clips and buy her music, visit Christianbook.com.

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