An Ongoing Battle
Sarah Kelly's struggles with self-esteem led to a suicide attempt as a teen. She still wrestles with self-image, but now confidently sings of God's grace.
by Michael Herman | posted 6/07/2004
 1 of 2
Sarah Kelly
Sarah Kelly's debut CD, which released on Gotee Records in February, is titled Take Me Away. Today, those words mean something entirely different than they might have for a 14-year-old Sarah, whose struggles with self-esteem made her want to be literally taken away. She was so filled with self-hatred at one point that she even attempted suicide. But through God's intervention—and the cathartic release of songwriting—Kelly dealt, and still deals, with those self-image issues. She now confidently and passionately sings of God's love and grace.
Tell me about your journey to where you are today.
Sarah Kelly: I was a worship leader in Rockford [Illinois], and I started leading worship for Master's Commission. When you lead worship for Master's Commission, you start putting out CDs and are asked to go to different places.
The cat got out of the bag that I have a heart to see people write music themselves. I really want to see churches write some of their own songs they're singing on Sunday mornings. That was the underlining passion for me, that's what's brought me here, and that's why I have an album full of songs.
I understand the road wasn't always easy, especially in junior high school.
Kelly: True. Those years were very hard for me personally. It was a rough time for me because I had changed schools. I wasn't "ugly," but I wasn't the prettiest girl there, and I became a sport for the other kids. It was all about who could think of the most awful name for me, and I can still remember some of them. Some of the names still are sore spots for me if I hear them. Those things leave marks!
Back then, things got so bad that I'd look at myself in the mirror and say, I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! I had to take that frustration out on somebody, and I ended up taking it out on myself. One day I hit rock bottom, and I did try to take my own life. It was a serious attempt; it was not "a cry for help." I never thought I'd be the kind of person who'd do that.
I know that Jesus must've been crying because now I realize how much he loves me. I didn't see that back at that time. All I saw was an awkward girl that everyone hated for no reason, who didn't fit in, and I figured there had to be something wrong with me.
So, how'd you get past that?
Kelly: I was writing music that whole time, and I really think that's what brought me through. That's why I want to teach that age group how to write songs. It would be nice to think that these girls could go to their mom for support, but that isn't realistic for a lot of them; it wasn't for me. Who do you go to at that age? You tend to go to yourself.
What would you want to tell junior high students today?
Kelly: I'd say that if you're even thinking of trying to take your own life, honestly think about the consequences before you do it. You always hear about people who tried to commit suicide, but you don't hear about what they have to live through after the fact—after their family no longer trusts them in a room by themselves, after the mom is weeping night after night because she doesn't understand what would drive you to that since you live in a good home. You break people's hearts around you, and you don't realize you're doing that at that moment. All you can see is your self-hate.
Don't wait until you're in the hospital to pray the prayer that I prayed—to let God change you and let him show you what he thinks about you. Once you begin to see yourself through his eyes, you can't help but like yourself. In fact, you'll love yourself. You'll have a new confidence; I felt that in ninth grade. It was a new smile on my face, and I wasn't as timid and ashamed to be who I was. Those were some rough years, but we worked through them. Jesus really helped me out. He's the reason I'm still alive!
 |
|
 |
|
|
|
|
Try 3 Issues of Christianity Today Free!
|
 |
|
Subscribe to Christianity Today and get 3 free trial issues. No credit card required.
Please allow 4-6 weeks for delivery. Offer valid in U.S. only.
If you decide you want to keep Christianity Today coming, honor your invoice for just $19.95 and receive nine more issues, a full year in all. If not, simply write "cancel" across the invoice and return it. The three trial issues are yours to keep, regardless.
|
|
|
|
|
|
 |
|
 |
| 
