When Bethany Dillon's self-titled debut—which would later earn three GMA Award nominations—came out in 2004, many marveled that the girl behind those wise-beyond-her-years lyrics was just 15. Same goes for her brand-new CD, Imagination (Sparrow). And the same goes for a conversation with Dillon, now 16, who handles herself with the composure of a seasoned veteran. Well, mostly. Sometimes, there are hints of the silliness you'd expect from a high school sophomore—especially when she giggles, her bright eyes squinting, full of mirth.

When we talked with Dillon about her new album, many of our questions were based on her song-by-song notes—her own descriptions of the story behind each song. We discussed the hard work of songwriting, and how producer Ed Cash and executive producer Brad O'Donnell—and even her family—helped with that process. We talked about her fears. We talked about her perceptions of God. And we talked about how she really feels about a certain magazine that pronounced her "the future" of Christian music.

One thing I noticed in your song-by-song notes is that you're saying good songwriting is hard work. Bono had a great quote about what it takes to move a very good song to a great one. He said, "Very good is the enemy of great. You think great is right next door; it's not. It's in another country."

Bethany Dillon: I love that!

Tell me about your songwriting, and how you get from a good song to a great one.

Dillon: I'm still growing as a songwriter, because I'm not even seventeen yet. So hanging around Ed and showing songs to people in Nashville is very scary for me, because a lot of times my idea for a song is a lot bigger than what the song ends up being. We had lyrics done on every song, and could have had the album ready in June. But Ed's line is always, "You have something better in you." Which I hate! I just want to stomp my foot and say, "Uh, I don't think so!"

Then when Ed and I were satisfied with a lyric, Brad would listen to it and say, "Guys, I think you're going to have to work on it tomorrow." And I felt like jumping off a cliff! It's so frustrating, but that's what makes you a better writer.

What other opinions do you seek when you're writing?

Dillon: When I first write something, I play it for every member in my family and get their feedback.

Will they be honest with you?

Dillon: Oh, yes! I played a rough version of "Airplane" [from the new album] for my mom, and she was like, "I really like that. Now go play it for your dad." So I play it for Dad and he goes, "I think it's lame." I just stared at him. I called for Mom: "M-o-o-o-o-m! Come back here! Is it lame?" She says, "No, I don't think it's lame." And Dad is like, "Beth, I don't like it at all."

I played it for Brad and Ed anyway, and they said, "We like it, but we agree with your dad. There's some stuff to work on." Now that it's finished on the record, Dad listens to it and kind of smirks. He's like, "Well, I always knew that one was a winner!" (laughs)

But somewhere along the line, you did the hard work of moving that song from good to great.

Dillon: Totally. It's a journey, man. I love the process, but there are days when I hate the process. But it just makes it so much sweeter when it's finished. When I heard the final master of the album, I thought, Thank you, God, for surrounding me with people that just weren't satisfied.

In your song notes, you wrote, "I'm struggling daily with pride and insecurity. I was so ashamed of how much I was struggling, embarrassed that I needed so much forgiveness." What were you struggling with?

Dillon: I was on tour with Bebo Norman and Jason Morant last fall, and we had a blast. But spiritually, I was in a season of doubt. There would be such a huge sense of dread in me right before I would go onstage. I would look out and think, Those are just stage lights and that's just a microphone. I'm just a normal person. If only these people knew. Maybe they can see straight through me. I don't know if it was a spiritual attack. I don't know if it was just a test. But I felt very unsure about what I was doing. I thought, Does this really matter? Does it matter that a 16-year-old girl would get up and share with people? Do people really let it sink in? Do I let it sink in? It's kind of embarrassing to admit because people came to the shows and probably didn't even know.

But one night before I went on, I was trying to pray. Trying, with that being the big word. I was praying that God would make me passionate about what I was doing for the people out there, so God could be blessed by it. I got everything ready to go on stage, and had one of those moments where all of a sudden, everything changed. The whole atmosphere changed. And this weight came off of me and I heard God speak to me: This matters. I just wanted to put my guitar down and go run, because I suddenly felt so free.

Was it an audible voice from God?

Dillon: I don't know if I could describe it. I just feel like if you've heard the Holy Spirit speak to you, it's a moment that comes and goes pretty quickly, and that just adds to the mystery of God. But one moment I was feeling so heavy, like I'm in a fog and I could not get myself out. Then it was just one of those moments where I don't know if it's faith at its best, but it was so clear. And for that brief moment, man, I just felt God say, "This matters."

Was everything fine after that?

Dillon: I just felt freedom. I believe the enemy will probably never get me to do drugs, and he'll probably never get me to run away, or do anything like that. I feel like his major attack on me is discouragement. And so in that moment, I just felt like laughing because I thought, Oh my gosh, I just feel free—free from all of that discouragement and doubt, all of that not being sure about God and where he called me. That was one of my favorite times I've ever played, because I just forgot people were in the room.

Another theme in your notes is a struggle with seeing God as a loving Father. You wrote, "I'm always so afraid that God will bring up all of my mistakes, afraid he'll be tired of being kind and compassionate." You also wrote, "I have been guilted into believing God is something that he's never been—hard, cold and merciless, like a kid with a magnifying glass sitting on top of an anthill." Where did those thoughts come from?

Dillon: I think a lot of Christians are motivated by guilt and not by love. A lot of times I'll read my Bible and pray just because I feel guilty, and not because it's motivated by love. It's very easy to say, "I don't cuss, I'm not smart with my parents, and I clean my room two times a day. I'm a good kid." But at the same time, I'm so afraid of approaching God and saying, "God, I can't get everything right."

I think many times I see God as somebody that would hold a grudge or punish me for whatever. But I know God is way more compassionate than that. So I just pray, "God, heal my mind. I want to be near you because I love you." That is true relationship. I feel like God's big enough to snatch us out of it, and he's snatching me out of it. I'm in the process.

You're such a down-to-earth, normal person, but the last year has been anything but normal. How do you find the balance between being this normal person and doing this Christian artist thing?

Dillon: I go home and my parents are like "How was the tour?" I'm like, "It was good." Then they say, "Cool. Now go unload the dishwasher. And you need to unpack and put your dirty clothes in the back bathroom." I wish I could take everybody to my community and have them look at where we live, because it is so normal.

With all the tours and making a CD and all of that, it's really fun, but I'm not ignorant. It's not normal. A lot of the time it's very surreal. But, gosh, I'm still who I am. My family still knows me just as Beth, and there's nothing too impressive about that. So I guess that's how it balances out for me. I just think I'm this 16-year-old kid from Bellefontaine, Ohio, and everybody who really knows me, knows me as that. And that gives me peace.

Are you planning on staying in Ohio?

Dillon: Oh, very much so.

You're not the Nashville type?

Dillon: Not at this point. I love Nashville, but I can't imagine uprooting and not going to our church every Sunday and not being five miles down the road from my grandparents. That would be strange for me. I like being an Ohioan.

At this point, I simply hold up the latest issue of CCM magazine. Dillon is on the cover, behind the words, "Who is Bethany Dillon? The Future." I don't say a word, but Dillon just rolls her eyes and sighs. And then she giggles.

Dillon: You don't know how much grief I've gotten from people because of that.

Really? Did you know they were going to put those words on the cover?

Dillon: Are you kidding me? No! If I had known, I would have said, "Please, please, please have mercy on me and do not do that."

So, who's giving you grief about it?

Dillon: I have three brothers. When the magazine showed up at our house, that week I was not "Beth," I was "The Future." But it wasn't, "Hey, the future." It was, "DA FU-CHAA!" They were all just silly about it. And Mom was like, "I gave birth to THE FUTURE!" Everybody was joking about it.

The article was very nice, but it just made me laugh because I am just 16, and I feel like, oh my goodness, I don't know. To me, it's just like if only they knew how silly I am and how much of a teenager I am and how impulsive and sarcastic I can be. It's just funny. I feel like I'm doing what I'm doing, and that's that.

So you're OK with it?

Dillon: I didn't have to go through counseling because I saw that cover of CCM. But there are days when I feel like this is really overwhelming.

What's overwhelming?

Dillon: Everything that's going on with being a musician. Touring. Street week. Interviews. All these meetings. The record company is saying, "You need to do this. You need to do that." Sometimes I take it in stride, and some days I just think, Okay, God, this is very different than what I would have chosen for myself. I have maybe a day like that every two or three weeks. And the rest of the time, I'm just enjoying it.

God is very good about giving me peace where anxiety could come in. So I don't think about it all in such a serious light. I just think, wow, hopefully God is going to be glorified through all of it. I just want people to say, "God moved me through that song." I want people to see him in a better light. So if what I'm doing does that, then I'll laugh the future off because I know the truth, I guess.

Da future!

Dillon: (laughing) Da future!

For more about Bethany Dillon, you can visit our artist page. Be sure to check out our review of her latest album, Imagination. At Christianbook.com you can listen to sound clips and buy her music.

Copyright © Christian Music Today. Click for reprint information.

Click here for more interviews.

Click here to view our music review archives.

Visit the artist pages for related interviews and reviews.

				Try an Issue of Today's Christian Woman Free! Name Street Address City/State/Zip E-mail Address No credit card required. Please allow 4-6 weeks for delivery. Offer valid in U.S. only. Click here for International orders. If you decide you want to keep Today's Christian Woman coming, honor your invoice for just $17.95 and receive five more issues, a full year in all. If not, simply write "cancel" across the invoice and return it. The trial issue is yours to keep, regardless. Give Today's Christian Woman as a gift Buy 1 gift subscription, get 1 FREE!

FREE Newsletter Sign up now for the Christian Music Today weekly newsletter:    RSS Feed   RSS Help