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Full Devil Jacket might've been the next big thing in mainstream hard rock, thanks to a deal with Island Records and tours with Creed, Fuel and Nickelback. But a rock 'n' roll lifestyle—drugs, alcohol, promiscuity, endless parties—eventually caught up with lead singer Joshua Brown, who had a nervous breakdown one day in the studio while the band was cutting its second record. They never finished the project, but Brown started a new one—recommitting his life to God and leaving Full Devil Jacket. After two years away from music, Brown is back—with Day of Fire, a Christian band on the Essential label that recently toured with Third Day and TobyMac. We talked to Brown about his rocky past—and how he wants to reach those entrenched in substance abuse and depression.

Joshua Brown (right) with friend and collaborator, guitarist Gregg Hionis.

What do you think led to your personal struggles while with Full Devil Jacket?

Joshua Brown I grew up in divorced home, but was always interested in playing music. I began doing drugs by the age of 15 and dreamed of becoming a rock star. I thought that with a record deal, tour bus, and fame, somehow I would find purpose in my life. Over the next five to seven years, I played in various rock bands and continued to do more drugs. At age 22 I got the record deal, but I was also really hardcore into narcotics, prescription drugs and pain pills. I ended up making the Full Devil Jacket record, going on tour and ended up overdosing on drugs about a year into being on the road.

Was faith ever a part of your life?

Brown My father led me to Christ around age 8 and I stuck with it until about 11. I asked Jesus into my heart but didn't really live it. I reconnected with those feelings once I went through rehab. But I also realized during my downward spiral that being on tour with huge bands, having a video on MTV, and having the right girlfriend still made me feel empty.

I've heard that you recommitted your life for the first time in rehab, but then had a hard time following through when you hit the road again.

Brown After rehab I felt worse off than I did when I was on drugs because I no longer had anything to mask the insecurities and fear. Even though I asked Jesus to help me through the addictions, I wasn't ready at that point to ask him into the rest of my life—the immoral sex, fame and pride. By the time we went into recording the second album, that all spiraled into a nervous breakdown.

How did the breakdown effect your creativity?

Brown I couldn't sing or write. I could barely talk to people. I was so consumed by fear, insecurity and depression. I also started to fall back into drinking. My band members completely lost faith and confidence with me. As a person and a leader, I was a wreck. Those sessions were in constant turmoil and I constantly doubted myself.

What brought you out of it?

Brown It's really weird, but the whole time I had this battle going on, I knew God was real. I knew I didn't have peace without him, and I ended up giving my life to him again one night when I was alone in my L.A. apartment. I was watching TBN and T.D. Jakes was speaking about the gospel, which I felt was being pointed directly at me. That night I truly gave up and surrendered to God. I changed and the next day I knew something happened. It was at that point I asked God to teach me how to live a joyful and peaceful life—and that meant no more Full Devil Jacket.

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