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With her Janis Joplin-meets-Alanis Morissette growl and her decidedly worshipful lyrics, Sarah Kelly stood out when she arrived on the Christian music scene in 2004 with her Grammy-nominated debut Take Me Away. But behind her smile and platform of hope in Christ was an abusive past, including a rape, that she hadn't yet dealt with—until recently. In recent interviews, Kelly has revealed that she was in no less than three abusive relationships. One of them ended after the guy suggested that Kelly, then an eighth-grader with virtually no self-esteem, try to kill herself—and so she tried, but was saved when her parents found her unconscious and rushed her to a hospital. Another relationship ended when Kelly said no thanks to a guy's marriage proposal—so he raped her. And just last year, she ended a seven-year marriage to an abusive husband by getting a divorce. Now with the release of her sophomore disc, Where the Past Meets Today, Kelly has resolved to be honest—no matter the cost—and opens up about how she found the strength to worship in the midst of less-than-ideal circumstances. We talked to her more about the pattern of the abusive relationships than the specific details—and how she's now finding hope and healing in God's grace.

For you, making Where the Past Meets Today wasn't just business as usual. The past year has been a real turning point for you, hasn't it?

Sarah Kelly Well, it's been the best year of my life and the worst year of my life—all at the same time. It's been the best because I've had peace for the very first time after dealing with an addiction to abuse that's been a part of my life for so long. My new album turned out to be an outlet for really being honest about everything, a safe place to admit that like everyone I am messed up and that I need God every day to get through. These are all things that started coming out in my music on [her first album] Take Me Away. I was becoming a worshiper who worships in spirit and truth—worshiping in the middle of situations I didn't understand. Where the Past Today is the continuation of that journey.

Most people have heard about addictions to things like drugs or alcohol or even an addiction to the fame and the spotlight, but how did the addiction to abuse begin?

Kelly When I was 12 or so, I started going to a new Christian school where the peer pressure was to be the best Christian. For some reason or another, the guys were nice to me, but the girls were incredibly cruel—until I started dating my first boyfriend who was going to become a pastor. I guess the girls thought I might introduce them to his friends or something. But anyway, they started being nice to me for the first time, and I liked the approval that came with being his girlfriend—even when he was abusing me. He used physical force that constantly put me in a state of fear. Yet, abuse is just the drug for the real addiction of self-hate. Some cut themselves, like I did, and then some find relationships that treat them the way they feel they deserve. Somewhere deep inside, I was subconsciously attracted to those who would mistreat me.

Did youconfide in anyone about what was going on?

Kelly Yes, my sister—but not until a couple of years ago. It was a bit tricky to speak of because all of these guys who abused me were active in churches, and I did not want on to be black-listed.

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