Most would say that you have to have a lot of confidence to try out for a national TV show like American Idol. And most would also say that you have to become a top 12 finalist on Idol to earn a lucrative recording contract. Brooke Barrettsmith proves both assumptions wrong. As a teenager, she struggled with panic attacks throughout her high school years. In time she overcame that and auditioned with her sister on Idol purely for the fun of it. To her surprise, she became a Top 40 finalist among the likes of Chris Daughtry and Mandisa. Though she didn't make it into the finals, the experience gave Brooke confidence and affirmation to keep after a music career that would glorify God and minister to others. Now signed with Essential Records, the 26-year-old "rock chick" shares her journey in overcoming her anxieties … and Simon Cowell.

You've first suffered a panic attack when you were 15. What caused it?

Brooke Barrettsmith: Well, I think it happened because it was partly hereditary. Also, I was dealing with the stress of becoming an adult along with the anxiety of being in high school. You know how stressful high school can be—the pressure that comes with progressing into the future, and as a female, struggling with image. I had all the usual feelings of, "I can't keep up! I'm not good enough!" Instead of dealing with it as other girls do, my identity issued became manifested as actual panic attacks—heart-racing, irrational thoughts of fear that I wouldn't make it to tomorrow, or even the next moment. So it was a very intense thing for a 15-year-old to endure.

You had the love and support of your parents through this?

Barrettsmith: Yes, I had a great upbringing with very godly parents. My dad was my pastor, and my parents are my best friends—we're very close. I'm also very close to my aunt—my dad's sister—who's our worship leader at our church. Sometimes, if I need some womanly counsel that's not mom or dad, I have a couple of other people that I turn to. In that way, it was sometimes a challenge being a pastor's kid, but for the most part, we've always had a transparent, real relationship.

So how did you overcome all of this?

Barrettsmith: I knew that I was at a crossroads at 15-years-old: To either choose to follow the Lord and have victory over my panic attacks, or to continue to live on the fence and always go in and out of fear, never knowing when it was going to take over. At that point, I think fear had become more real to me than I knew God to be. So my parents and I made the decision together, and they took me under their wing, encouraging me to dive headfirst into my relationship with the Lord. Even though I was so young, they held me accountable to memorize his Word and be in it every day—to learn how to fast and pray on a regular basis, praying in moments of panic and anxiety. I learned to bring it all to the feet of the cross to ask the Lord to meet me where I'm at. Maybe he wouldn't take it all away from me right away, but at least he'd help me work through it.

I knew the Lord was doing something unique in my life. At that point, God was daily continuing to win over my heart as I was renewing my mind in Christ through prayer and scripture every day. His Word says, "He did not give us a spirit of fear, but power and love and a sound mind"—that was the verse I clung to all throughout high school. My identity lies in Jesus, and he is the ultimate peace. By being in the Word and praying in those moments, slowly but surely God was delivering me from the daily panic attacks. Even to this day, once in a while I'll feel it start to come out a little bit, but now I've learned to recognize it from afar, and to surrender it right away to the Lord.

Did you ever consider medical help?

Barrettsmith: I knew I didn't need it. Being a Christian from such a young age, I recognized the tugging of the Holy Spirit asking for my heart, because my heart was not set on living for Jesus. It was focused on popularity, looks, boys, and finding my identity in relationships. For me, I knew I just had to get real. I had to have that accountability. It meant confessing a lot of things to my parents so they could keep me accountable, and it made our relationship awesome, wonderful, and exactly what I needed. Godly mentorship in a young person's life is essential. I'll always believe that, and I hope I can be that too—that's why I'm a youth leader at my home church.

But panic attacks aren't talked about much. A lot of people have anxiety problems or disorders, and some do need more advanced help than I did through medication and stuff. There's nothing wrong with that. There are even people in my family that have had to do that. But for me, it boiled down to a choice of devotion to the Lord.

How did trying out for American Idol play into all this?

Barrettsmith: I think I was 23 when I tried out for season 5; I'm 26 now. I think God strategically waited to do things in the right order so that I had had much time to develop my ability while recognizing the need to take my struggles to the Lord. In Hollywood, it was the most stressful and crazy anxiety-filled thing I have ever done. I mean, I used to literally see stars sometimes on stage! I was like, "I'm going to pass out!" You think your whole career rides on this one opportunity, and so a lot of people become very stressed out.

Which was harder for you: the initial audition or going to Hollywood?

Barrettsmith: It was Hollywood week. It's such a whirlwind with the first few auditions, but then getting to the judges and making it to Hollywood was crazy. When you get to Hollywood, you're not eating or sleeping, so you become more prone to stress and anxiety. Even people who don't normally know what a panic attack is are like, "I'm hyperventilating!" And I'd tell them, "Let me pray with you. I'll tell you what that is."

You were able to minister to other contestants?

Barrettsmith: Yeah, I got to pray with a lot of people who weren't used to dealing with that kind of stress. Because I had already dealt with it, I kind of knew what to do with it and where to bring them. My sister and I auditioned together and made it to Hollywood together, so we prayed with a lot of people through their anxiety. Even the atheists would say, "I'll take anything right now to relieve this stress!"

Now it wasn't your idea initially to audition for American Idol. You were just going along with your sister, right?

Barrettsmith: Yeah, and I made it a little further than she did, into the top 40.

So what was it like when she went home and you were still there?

Barrettsmith: It was tough, because honestly I went there for her. She was really passionate about getting on the show. We were going just to be crazy and silly about it, almost like a joke. So we went and did it, and I was there rooting her on. But we both auditioned, and at one point during the process, it looked like she was going to make it further, but then at the last second they picked me to go.

We had been doing music together for about 6 years, as a duo in a band, so I think that I hadn't developed an identity in myself yet. God's has given me a unique calling as an individual though. It's kind of cool, because I was singing backup for her in our band, and I think that God knew I needed a unique kind of encouragement to confirm that this was my calling as an individual. So we had parted ways as a duo before we did American Idol.

Becoming a Top 40 finalist on American Idol is certainly strong encouragement and affirmation.

Barrettsmith: In general, I was well-received. I just saw Mandisa yesterday, and we both screamed and hugged. People are there supporting one another throughout that show. The drama you see on TV is just people who are exhausted and crabby. For the most part, everyone wants each other to do well, so it was very tearful every time someone got sent home. Simon Cowell said he liked me, and that really helped too. He was like, "I don't agree with you going home"—off the record of course, they didn't show that on TV. He told me, "I think you deserve to be here and you're a great singer, and you'd do good here." Then he kissed me on my forehead and gave me a hug.

That farewell came after you went up the elevator and walked across that big suite, right?

Barrettsmith: Right, that was the worst part of it, because then you make a separate trip back to Hollywood. They make you go through the holidays with suspense before the elevator. You don't even know if you made the show or not through Christmas. I was breaking out in hives. So yeah, I went up the elevator and walked down the long corridor to sit in the chair in front of the judges. That's when Simon said to me, "This was not a unanimous decision on my part. I agree with you being here. The other two judges liked your sister, but I like you. Go and do what you believe in." Then they all hugged and kissed me goodbye. Of course they don't show that either on TV, and I'm bawling like a baby. They were merciful in how much they did not show me crying. They did show me crying a little though … I like to cry. [laughing]

How do you learn from your American Idol experience to take yourself to next level?

Barrettsmith: That's a good question. I think that God needed to give me confidence, and it's weird that he used something like Idol to do it. I hate competitions, you know. I believe God gives us each a calling to minister to the world with. It also helped me develop the drive to keep after music. I had developed relationships in Nashville with my sister already. The final push of confidence from Idol helped me to redevelop those relationships and meet the right people in the Christian music industry. You have to meet as many people as you can and to be real without putting on a front. Most people can tell when someone's being genuine or not. This is who I am, and I'm blessed that I had such great people at Essential who believed in me.

Why became of your sister?

Barrettsmith: We did music together for 6 years, and we had tried to develop a deal with other record labels before. But we've always had different hearts for music and ministry. She desired to reach the world through the mainstream market, while I always dreamed of being a Christian artist. When we parted ways on American Idol, I don't think I've ever cried that hard, because that was it for us. We were officially going our separate ways. But she still went on tour with me on this last tour, and she's still my road manager when she can be, and we're still best friends. God's continuing to heal our relationship. Music can fade away, but sisters are forever.

You're also studying at Moody Bible Institute through an online course while pursuing your music career. Isn't that a bit overwhelming for someone who used to get easily stressed?

Barrettsmith: I just don't want to settle. When we wake up in the morning, we don't wake up as our careers. We wake up someone who's been born again by the grace of God. We wake up a Christian. I'm pursuing my degree in biblical studies mostly for personal enrichment, just to be closer to the Lord and know his Word inside and out. I had a passion and desire to know his Word better, to have answers for anyone on the road who has questions about the Lord. I think it was always a dream of mine to go to Moody too since my dad graduated from there. I'll admit it was weird that I felt the Lord calling me to do this while I was making my first album. But in a way there's no better timing—I'll have plenty of time to study while I'm travelling on the road.

You can read more about Brooke Barrettsmith by visiting our site's artist page for her. Click here to read our review of her self-titled album. Listen to song clips and buy her music at Christianbook.com.

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