If you're at all plugged in to the world of Women of Faith or women's conferences in general, you're probably already familiar with Tammy Trent and her testimony concerning the tragic death of her husband in 2001.Her experience with women's conferences has been cathartic for her while revitalizing her career in Christian music, leading to the creation of her own independent label, September Day Records, and the release of two albums, including 2008's Stronger. In this conversation, the singer talks candidly about how much she's grown in the last seven years, how her testimony and music have evolved in the process, and why she's not really looking for romance (not yet, anyway).

We're coming up on the seventh anniversary since the untimely death of your husband. How have you changed in that span of time?

Tammy Trent: There are days when I feel like I'm so different, and there are days when I close my eyes and feel like I'm once again at the edge of the water. But I can also look back at that time seven years ago and see everything so differently now. That's truly because I am stronger, and I think that each season that I've walked through, I've faced different things, new challenges—challenges to be braver, stronger, more courageous, learning to do things on my own around the house, what I didn't think I could do. All of a sudden, I've conquered something and I look at my life and go, "Gosh, I did that on my own. Look at how far I've come."

What kind of things are you referring to?

Trent: The simple things that we take for granted. I think that even in a marriage the things that my husband did around the house and needing that extra muscle to turn a screw loose. Even looking in the backyard, which backs up into the woods, there are a couple of big trees that have died. Today, I'm like, "Well, I could call a tree company and they could cut that down for me … or I could try to do this on my own."

And that's exactly what I did. I went out and bought a chainsaw, started that baby up, and I cannot fully describe how I felt when I saw that first tree come down. I know my entire neighborhood had to have heard me screaming like, "Woo hoo! Look at what I did!" Then I did the second one, and got the chain caught in the tree, so I sat on the ground crying my eyes out because I couldn't get it loose, going, "What have I done? And if Trent were only here … "

So in a moment's time, you went from powerful to powerless.

Trent: I think in those moments, it's a moment when God says, "Tammy, you've come a long way. You're strong. But guess what? You still can't do any of this without me, without my help." So I'm constantly reminded that I'm strong, but I'm truly not strong enough without the help of God in my life. So I have to constantly lean into him and press into him because I'm not really good at asking God for help in my life. I have to constantly be reminded that without him I'm not really strong enough to handle any of this.

I am doing better, and I feel like I'm singing louder and better. I think that comes with the confidence of who I am in Christ, even in the loss that I've traveled, getting to that place of knowing that. Somehow God has called me to this. And that doesn't mean it's a bad thing, even though the pain still can hurt some days. But I feel like I've been called to this, and that's the part when I get up and show up.

Do you see the story of how you've coped with the loss of your husband as a lifelong ministry? Do you see yourself having a different testimony at some point?

Trent: That's a really good question. I'm not sure if I know fully how to answer that. I still feel, seven years later, that this is still the place God has me in. It's not the exact same place God had me five years ago, but the phone keeps ringing where people are saying, "We're having this women's conference in California and we want Tammy to come and sing, but we also want her to share her story. We have people in our church and our community that are going through enormous loss, and we think that Tammy's story of hope will really minister to them."

So it's isn't just a story of loss, but also of hope.

Trent: I think that's the key word, that my story isn't just a tragedy and of sorrow, but also a story of hope. So I think when the phone rings and they want me to come and share that part of the story, that's when I get excited and think, "Oh man, I'm so excited. I can't wait to go." Yeah, it's a tough story, there are some tough moments in it—I was a girl that fell in love young and married the love of my life, and one day I woke up to find it all gone. How do you survive something like that? But the story isn't just how am I surviving, but how I'm overcoming. That's the part I want people to see.

I think on some level the story will always be a part of my life and my testimony. But I still see myself moving in new areas in different places—telling the story, though maybe not so in-depth. I think when the time comes, God will clearly let me know that this is a new season and that there's a new message. The last two years I've actually been out speaking and sharing my testimony, but staying over for a couple extra days at a women's conference to share a brand-new message: "You've heard the story, now here's the other side of that story."

Compare the Tammy Trent in 2003 sharing her testimony at a Women of Faith conference to the Tammy Trent in 2008 doing the same thing. How do the two differ?

Trent: I'm probably able to get through my testimony a lot easier now. It was still so fresh early on and I was still so broken, yet I was trying to be so brave and get upon those platforms to tell my story. It was definitely harder for me then because it was so raw. Now, as each year goes on, I get stronger and stronger and I'm able to get through it. I'm able to add humorous things about the story. I can laugh a little bit quicker. I think that's also the important part of the story, to see how much I've grown in the last few years.

Do you see yourself finding love at some point again?

Trent: Oh, wow. You know, at this point in my life, for whatever reason, it is not the desire of my heart. I have had no interest in dating or being in a relationship, and it kind of surprises me because I'm such a girl that loves being in love and all that comes with that—holding hands, walking down the streets of Paris, taking in amazing fireworks, going on a picnic in the backyard, taking off to some amazing island and sitting on the beach reading a good book next to the one you love—those are all things that I did with Trent. I think I'm not afraid to move on or afraid to experience it again, but it's just not the place that my heart is in yet.

So you're not looking for it.

Trent: I'm open to what God has for me, but it must not be what he has for me because it's just not something that's come up for me—nothing I'm looking for. Yet there are definitely guys in my life that will come out of the woodwork to say, "Wanna go to a movie? Wanna go to dinner?" Or perfect strangers that I take one second and say, "There's absolutely no way I'll go to a movie with you!" (Laughs) So it's not that it isn't happening, it's just that I don't feel this little something that comes alive in my heart when I go, "Aha! You're ready now. This is an appointment from God." I've not felt that.

The other side of that, to be honest, in looking at a lot of friends that are married, there are a lot of messed up marriages. There are divorces every single day that are such surprises in relationships that you never saw coming—thinking that everybody had it together until something broke down. Sometimes I look at that and think, Ah … I don't know if I have the energy to go through all of that right now. I need to see a good marriage that makes me say, "I want this right now." I don't see a lot of great examples and a lot of great reasons why I would want to jump into a full-time relationship right now.

I'm sure your busyness and contentment in being single again can still be a source of inspiration.

Trent: That's also a part of the story: letting these ladies, especially young girls, see that God is really my source right now. If I was in a brand-new relationship right now or even a few years ago, just being up on that platform and speaking about the joy and hope that you have in Christ, I think for some reason some women would look at that and say, "Well, sure she can say that because she's found love again and she's in a relationship." I think a part of the story is letting them see that, no, there is not somebody else in my life right now. I'm really leaning on God to provide for me. If he can do this for me he can do this for you.

During your marriage, did you feel as if you were leaning more on Trent than on Christ?

Trent: Absolutely. That's really what my relationship with Trent was. I really leaned into him and looked to him for answers. If I went to God and prayed about something and it didn't come quick enough, I'd run to Trent and ask, "What do you think I should do?" I knew Trent knew me so well and that he walked with Jesus, so I said, "OK, whatever he says that's what I'll follow." [When I lost Trent], God began to show me, "Tammy, you have to trust me. You have to come to me, because I'm the only one you've got that's going to be in your life every single day."

As a result of all you've been through, your music endured a change, too. As your new album Stronger shows, your music is more serious now, not as carefree and lighthearted as it was before.

Trent: There's elements of what they call bubblegum pop where it's just fun and light. That'll always be a part of me—the fun and the energy, the dance and the hip-hop songs. But there's been a transition in my life, especially on this new record, and I've really just wanted to go deeper. I wanted every song to matter, every note that I sing to matter, every lyric to come out my mouth I wanted it to be more than just fun. I wanted something to pierce [people's] hearts, especially the woman that's trying to have a baby and that she's at the end of her rope: "God, you've abandoned me. I feel like you're answering everyone's prayer but mine."

So the music reflects the lyrics.

Trent: All of a sudden we said, "Let's put away the programmed stuff. Let's pull out the guitar, pull out the bass guitar, and sit at the drums. Let's bring in some violins. Let's bring in some strings. And let's just really make this about music and let's be creative this time and think that through—music that will really grab onto someone's heart." And I think it was harder for me to do that with all the beats and programmed stuff that I've done in the past. With this record, I wanted to grab [people] from the moment the songs started. That is the end result of the new record Stronger.

How do you feel about those earlier songs? Do you still sing them?

Trent: I do! I love them! Probably every show I still perform "My Irreplaceable"—I love it because it still has a message of its own. I think that's the powerful thing: at the end of the night, I want people to be in an absolute place of celebration where they just want to move and can't stop bobbing their heads. At the end of the night, I want them to feel the celebration, the hope, the joy—I can't always do that when I'm singing this ballad that's ripping their hearts out. It's always important for me to go back to songs that really make me want to dance, 'cause I know that if it does for me, it'll make them feel the same way.

Read more about Tammy Trent by visiting our site's artist page. You can read our review of her album Stronger by clicking here. Go to Christianbook.com to listen to song clips and purchase her music.

© Andree Farias, subject to licensing agreement with Christianity Today International. All rights reserved. Click for reprint information.

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