Nicol Smith

Out On Her Own, but Not Alone
Nicol Smith's journey had led her around the world, and this is only the beginning

by Michael Herman

When things take twice as long to do as they should have, we often become frustrated. Nicol Smith knows what it's like to have something take five times as long to complete. Such as her debut album.

Struggles are universal. We all face them, and how we deal with them and where we turn to says a lot about us. Difficult times aren't things that we face in addition to life. They are life, along with the good times we are blessed with.

Nicol accepts that God knows what he's doing, but struggles at times with not knowing or understanding the future, or even the present.

What the five years it took to create and release her first solo album has given Nicol is the experience of making another project, with the group Selah, and learning the ropes of life on the road. She has found out that God truly blesses those who choose to serve him with the talents he gives us. She has found out, and is still finding out, that His ways are best for us.

As of this past April, Nicol has a Dove Award under her belt (from Selah's debut album, Be Still My Soul), but she is now working through a re-education process of sorts. Her debut album expresses a different flavor of music than any of her listeners have already tasted through Selah's work. The album has given her an opportunity to create the kind of music she truly desires to make.

From her early years growing up in Africa with her missionary parents until today, Nicol has encountered a lifetime of challenges. She has met some of those challenges face-to-face, and others were eventually dealt with as issues of her faith, her education, and her career, are still are being worked out with the constant help of God's mercy and grace.

You're not alone. Nicol has been there too.

Nicol is as human as the rest of us, and has her own struggles. We can often look at a musician at a concert and assume that everything is perfect in his or her life, or at least not a tough as our own. But the truth is that we all need to rely on God's strength, whether we serve him with our singing, our carpentry skills, or whatever we do.

"I tend to get worried even when there's nothing to worry about," Nicol confesses. "I stress out very easily, which is why it's great to have my brother around me because he encourages me.

"I was reading a book recently called Ministry to the Lord which a friend of mine, who is also a singer, gave to me.

"Basically, it says one of the reasons why there's a power shortage in the church is because we're singing songs to God but ignoring him the whole time we're there. The author had a picture in her mind of Jesus standing in the audience with tears streaming down his face because he was so lonely and he wanted to have communion with us.

"The book painted a great picture of someone who just longs to be with us. And that's a picture of Jesus that I can love. So many times we have an image of him that's kind of pompous. But was not like that. I want to rediscover who he really is.

"The album has me in a place of questioning," Nicol says. "I love my parents dearly. They're great examples of godly people who read the Bible every day. So I grew up with a firm foundation. But when I went away to boarding school and was exposed to all new ideas for three years. These ideas suddenly made a lot of sense to me. That new understanding, coupled with the senseless death of a close friend, really set me into a tailspin. And I just started to doubt everything.

"I claimed to be a Christian and didn't want to break my parents' heart. So I didn't give in to outward rebellion. But in my heart and in my head, I didn't believe those beliefs any more.

"Not only that, but I had some Jewish friends who were just the sweetest most loving people. I couldn't understand how a loving God was going to not be merciful enough to allow them into heaven just because they hadn't accepted Christ. So I had a lot of questions.

"I had to figure out what I believed for myself. I finally came back to the faith I was handed as a child, but I had to find it for myself. That's what the album is about, my spiritual journey."

One way we can all relate with Nicol is through the struggles she's faced. Jesus never promised that our life as Christians would be pain-free, debt-free, and completely free of struggles. But he did promise to be with us. Christ tells us to be thankful in all situations, and also to be thankful for those situations. God's purpose is being accomplished in his way. Nicol still fails to understand God's plan sometimes, but chooses to trust him along the way.

As for those things that Nicol has learned through this process of waiting between the moments of progress, she has been able to take those lessons and apply them to her life outside of music as well.

"I think there's nothing like struggle to make you turn to God," says Smith. "My story is not what a lot of people would consider suffering. You've still got a record deal. You're lucky. But when there's a big gap between your expectations and reality, it can be painful.

"I'm learning more than I want to learn. I guess one of the biggest things is to not put all my eggs in the music basket because it's so uncertain. And this album may be your baby, but no one else got the memo that you're supposed to be the center of their world. So you have to invest in other things, like getting involved in your church or a volunteer activity, or you'll be mostly frustrated most of the time.

"I think that kind of involvement is one of the things that gives me joy."

The majority of solo artists spend their time gaining experience on their own. They sing alone, perhaps with a band from time to time. They often travel alone. And they are forced to learn a lot of their lessons on their own.

One of the benefits Nicol has had during the past few years has been the opportunity to travel with her brother and their friend Allan in their group Selah. She's learned what it takes to be out on the road, spending more hours traveling than performing, getting even less sleep at times. But they endure all this because they know this is what they want, even "need" to do.

"At first I was kind of reluctant to [be a part of Selah]," Smith admits. "But now I see there are so many benefits. I never thought I'd be singing hymns with my brother.

"It's so nice to walk into a church with my brother and Allan. There is such comfort in having them with me. I've seen a lot of benefits of being in a group as opposed to carrying a whole concert by myself. It's a great transitional thing to move from traveling as a group and then doing my own tour.

"The response we've gotten from people has made it very worthwhile, even though if all I ever did was sing hymns I wouldn't feel creatively fulfilled. This new record is an outlet for a different style of music.

"Really, who I am musically is rock, funk, and pop. But the hymns are my roots. That's what I heard as a child, and that's why I still sing them."

Nicol's career is the canvas on which her story of facing and overcoming various struggles is painted. We may not be able to relate to breaking into the music business, but we understand the idea of wanting very strongly to have a certain kind of career doing the kind of work we enjoy. This is where the humble beginning of Nicol's career looks familiar and you can trace God's hand as he's been leading her along the way.

"The story of my career starts with meeting Mike Curb, the head of Curb Records. I was a waitress at the Green Hills Grill and his family came there quite often and were always really gracious. Everybody loved waiting on them. They never treated you like you were lesser than them. Everyone had a lot of respect for them.

"Anyway, his daughters thought it would be fun to set me up on a lunch date with their cousin. At that point they found out I'm a singer. And Mike said, 'Well, be sure to get a tape from her because if she's horrible you don't want that to jeopardize the possibility of a relationship.'

"So, he asked me for a tape, and I gave it to him. The next day Mike called and said, 'Do you want to come in and we'll talk about doing a record?' "

This is starting to sound like a country tune about the girl who moved to Nashville, got a job as a waitress, and hit the jackpot with a "chance" meeting with a big record executive. You might think that Nicol didn't have to do an inch of work along this long mile of starting making music a career. That's just not the case.

Nicol did her fair share of session work with musicians such as Wynonna, Amy Grant, and Michael McDonald. But few musicians told their third grade class years ago on career day that they want to be a session singer for the rest of their lives.

Nicol's ambition may be the only element of who she is that surpasses her musical talents. This has always left a hole wide open inside of her that was waiting to be filled with being able to do what she's felt truly called to do.

"So, a year and a half later I signed with Curb Records," Nicol explains. "Due to scheduling conflicts, things got delayed about two years. I didn't have my own management up to that point.

"I think that was one of the reasons why it just took so long, because when you have management people tend to take you more seriously.

"Here I thought I'd be in and out of the recording process within six months touring this record. I thought by now I'd be on my third or fourth record. It's been difficult at times to see friends of mine who are artists do three records in the amount of time it's taken me to do one. I'm not sure of the reasons, and I've prayed about it. I've cried about it many times. I'm sure some day I'll know. But for now it's a mystery."

Nicol has her share of passions in life, none more prominent than her love for people. She explains how her childhood years instilled this in her.

"There are things that concern me a lot. I grew up in Africa," Nicol describes. "But I think that made me more patriotic than ever because you're so proud of your home country.

"It's really sad for me to see the way [America] has digressed over the past years--the youth, the sense of apathy. It scares me how many young girls are lured into witchcraft. The abortion issue--how not enough is being done to educate women on the health risks that are involved in that. I wish more people could talk to women who are on the other side of having an abortion, who are still dealing with the guilt of it. Those are issues that are important to me.

"I think part of the reason young people—even those who have grown up in the church—get lured into witchcraft is that they haven't experienced a relationship with the Lord where they've seen his power. I think the kids who are turning to the occult are attracted to the power that's there. They need to see the power of God in a dramatic way, in a new way, in a fresh way. They need to know that the God who raised people from the dead in the book of Acts is still doing that today, even though we may not see it here in America."

Besides the trauma of just being a teenager, Nicol had the culture clash from growing up in Africa. At times, this was overwhelming for her.

"Actually, I came back for a year when I was twelve, but really returned when I was 16 years old. And that was a much bigger shock," says Smith. "I'd lived in the bush for four years. All my friends were Zairians. I came back to the states and had to learn a new sense of humor. I had to learn you looked kind of weird when you held your girlfriend's hands over here. And over there, people didn't care what you wore.

"I went to a Christian school when I moved back to the states, but the way you were treated was basically determined by how expensive your outfit was every day. And I couldn't believe the difference in the way people were treated from day to day just based on what they wore. Whereas, in Africa it's like, 'Oh, you got clothes? Cool. Come and play.' That's all you need. But that first year back was a really difficult one because I didn't feel accepted at all. Whereas, in Africa it was total acceptance."

That experience was difficult for Nicol. But as she adjusted to living in the States once again, she came to a point where she said, "I'll never go back to missions."

"I had no desire to even go back and visit, because it was a difficult life," Smith admits. "I would never say never now because I'll probably get sent there if I do. Africa will always be in my blood. It will always be a part of me.

"I thought I would want to go back to a third-world country, but I didn't want to go back as a missionary. Missionaries are treated like they're at the bottom of the totem pole. And if I was going to go back, I'd want to go back with the state department.

"Missionaries are on the frontlines, spiritually speaking. And I saw what my parents went through. I wouldn't trade [the experience] for the world, but I think unless you know you're supposed to be there don't even bother. It's too difficult. But, if you're called, then God will equip you. I would never just want to go out of a good deed or out of a sense of guilt. I wouldn't last two months over there."

God, in all of his creativity, gives each of us a unique story. For Nicol, it wasn't a moment of revelation that came to her in the middle of a meal or driving down an old country road, but it was a process. Her life was renewed as she watched others living the kind of life that we are called to live in Christ. Without even knowing it, just as we may be doing today in the watchful eyes of another, someone was giving her an example of what she could once again have in her life.

"There was a turning point. When I was in college I had a roommate, Christy, who was very cheery and I thought, 'Oh brother, your life must be a piece of cake,'" says Smith. "Seven of us lived in a house and we got together once a week to pray. That's where I discovered her life was really difficult, a lot more difficult than mine. Her cheery attitude was evidence of her trust in God. That was the basis of her happiness.

"One day I sat down and I said, 'You know, Christy, I just don't understand why God would allow this to happen and allow that to happen.' And I was totally expecting to get some pat answer from her. Here we were at Wheaton College, and, to tell you the truth, that's what I'd gotten the whole time I was there from all but a couple of professors. She said, 'You know, I don't understand that either. I also don't understand why he would do this.' So it gave me such a sense of release and freedom. She gave me the freedom to question. But I could see that her faith was still so strong in her. I'd always seen that kind of faith in my parents, too, but I had to see it in someone else for it to click in my mind and my heart."

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