"Pastor, thank you so much for the awesome job you did at our wedding … you helped us to be a little less skeptical of the Christian faith."

I was encouraged by this feedback, but haunted by it as well. How many opportunities to impact unbelievers have I missed by refusing to do their weddings?

In most large U.S. cities, 25 percent to 45 percent of all the weddings occur outside the church. And that percentage is rising. According to a 2006 survey by Condé Nast Bridal Media, there was a nine percent decrease in the last year of couples married in a church or synagogue.

While an increasing number of ceremonies are held in parks, banquet halls, museums, hotels, and private homes, the vast majority of those couples still say they want some spiritual elements involved in their ceremonies. However, many pastors refuse to serve these couples on one of the most important days of their lives. Here are some of the reasons they give:

• They don't attend my church.
  
  
• They're already living together.
  
  
• They've been previously married.
  
  
• They're not interested in premarital counseling.
  
  

I appreciate the concerns behind such objections. Yet ultimately I feel they reflect a "bounded set" approach to Christianity—we're concerned with who is "in" and who is "out" of the kingdom of God. Instead I think we need to view people from a "directional" perspective. Are they heading towards or away from God? With this approach, anything we can do to help people move towards God is a victory. We meet them on the journey; not at the destination.

I have found that performing weddings for unbelievers can provide great soil in which the seeds of faith can germinate. One couple I married emailed me this note shortly after their wedding day.

"When we first met, I described myself to you as an atheist, and asked if it were possible to "leave God out of the ceremony." You kindly told me that your desire was to serve us best, but that leaving God out of it was not possible due to that fact that God was a part of you. I was not sure what you meant, but I trusted your promise not to "preach" to us on our wedding day. I have to say that I can no longer call myself an atheist. Rather, I am probably an agnostic, because I just don't know the answer. You've shown me that it's OK to question, as long as I am still en route. Since we are moving in a few months, we were wondering if you could point us out to a church in Seattle that has a pastor like you. You've made us think that we might be missing a part of life, so we want to give it a try."

I'm not the only pastor who has discovered the evangelistic potential of doing these types of weddings. Dozens of pastors have emailed me with their own stories, detailing the opportunities for influence that comes from participating in these special occasions. If you are a pastor that feels a missional tug toward engaging in the lives of those far from God, then consider becoming one of the growing number of pastors willing to bring Christ-like love to couples on their wedding day. Yes, it requires crossing a conventional boundary, but it's worth it. There are spiritually thirsty people waiting for us on the other side.

Bill Yaccino is Executive Director, Catalyst of Lake County (IL), an organization that connects people and resources for greater kingdom impact. Yaccino has a website that connects pastors with couples looking for a minister to perform their wedding ceremony. Visit him at WeddingPastorsUSA.org.

Originally published in Leadership journal, Summer 2009. ©2009 Christianity Today International.

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